


Like milk and honey

by Soft_dreams



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dysphoria, M/M, Male Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Minor Character Death, Self Loathing, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Slurs, Trans Male Character, Trans Pidge | Katie Holt, rating bump bc of later chapters, roommate au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:16:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7863250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soft_dreams/pseuds/Soft_dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When trouble arises with college living arrangements push comes to shove and Pidge has to move in with a family friend in order to keep attending school there. What's the worst that could happen?</p><p>FT. homosexual supporting cast- what kind of slice of life would this be without them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A rocky beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh I haven't written Keith or lances chapters yet but I swear to you there will be Klance. I have their chapter already planned out and after i get the individual chapters for the both of them written i'll work on the gay boys.
> 
> ** Edit: I just realized i clicked the wrong box so it said it was a completed work im so sorry. This is why i shouldn't write several chapters at once- i always mess up somewhere.

This was it.. the dreaded day they would have to move from the outskirts of the city, from the long open fields that had always been home to him, into the pits of hell itself. No one had told them that their weren't any.. co-ed dorms on campus though, and since His legal papers still classified him as female there was no way he'd be able to stay in the male dorms. Not that he particularly wanted to- but he rather drop everything he'd ever worked for rather than move into a dorm that would misgender him for four years. Pidge G. Holt was fresh out of luck. He couldn't make the hour long drive to campus everyday and he definitely couldn't move into the 'wrong' dorm rooms. Pidge, hadn't actually told his father that he was trans- Nonbinary was hard enough to explain the first time.. he wasn't sure if he was up for the conversation of how.. he felt like a boy all the time- always.  
They still called him his dead name and asked him when he was going to grow out his hair again.. but not in a spiteful way. They couldn't be intentionally mean if they didn't know.  
Unfortunately he didn't know how to actually go about telling them, considering how much he rambled, that's why college and moving out was so important to him. No more dead name and dresses! to bad this shit had to happen.  
Pidge sat at his desk tapping his fingers on the table.. trying to come up with a plan. unfortunately nothing was clicking. He rested his head on the table and let out a deep sigh- only to be interrupted by his door opening.

"Hey you bus-- PIDGE! You haven't packed anything at all! Don't you realize you start school soon?"

Pidge turned his head to the familiar voice, standing up quickly when he processed that it was Matt- the only one that knew he was trans and the only one that called him his prefered name. 

"Hey, Matt! Glad to see you back! how was your trip? Are you okay? You didn't get hurt did you?" Pidge asked at a million miles per hour.  
He made his way in for an awkward sibling hug. Awkward sibling hugs after Matt got back from a trip were the best- it didn't help that pidge constantly worried that the other might not come back. Being a pilot was dangerous stuff.  
His brother chuckled a bit and hugged him back. 

"It was fine- I'm fine- but really you need to pack. You're supposed to move into your dorm room soon." 

Pidge moved back and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah.. well.. about that. There aren't any co-ed dorms, ergo- i'm not moving in. I really don't know what to do because it's not like i can take public transit from out here."

Matt sat down on Pidge's bed, moving a stuffed gundam plush out of the way. "Well, that certainly is a problem, huh? Dad's not going to be happy, he already paid a lot to get you into that school." 

"I know, i just.." Pidge pressed his hands together and bowed his head, "Please, will you talk to dad for me? I don't know what to do and I haven't told him yet so.. he really won't understand why i don't want to be in the Girls dorm." 

"What?! you haven't told him yet?" Matt was a little surprised at first but shook it off. "Okay, look Pidge, even if I tell him he's just going to have your classes switched to online- like me. I know you were really excited to move out so-- we need a plan."

"A plan?"

"Yeah! Dad won't be able to say no if we come at him with a fully fleshed out plan. Here an idea- move into an apartment near the college, it would be cheaper to live off campus anyways."

"But my scholarships wouldn't cover it."

"Hmm then we need to get you a roommate."

"Cool, I'd love a stranger, that will have to be female, misgender me on a 24/7 basis."

"Ah.. you're right.. Hmm well do we know anyone that Dad already trusts?"

After a few minutes of both of them thinking, they looked up, Matt with sparks in his eyes and Pidge with the slightest sliver of dread. 

"Shiro!"  
"No.. Matt come on. Please? Don't."

"Come on Pidge! Dad loves Shiro and would say yes in a heartbeat."

"Yeah but shiro doesn't know that i'm.." 

"Do you really think he'll care? he's been hanging out with us for years now- and he's always been more nurturing towards you. I'm sure he won't mind, heck he'd probably even be happy to be your roommate." 

"I--"  
Well, Matt did raise a good point, and Dr.Holt would agree if Shiro was Pidge's roommate considering how close he was to the family. "Fine. I'll look for apartments and try and text Shiro. You go talk to Dad, See you in 30."

Matt was practically beaming as he left the room, the cheeky bastard. Even as pidge opened his laptop and began combing through apartments, he could feel his hands shaking and he heart beating in his throat. God.. would he really be living with Shiro? This was too surreal even for him, like something straight out of a shitty anime. 

After finding a pretty decently priced apartment with two bedrooms Pidge texted Shiro. Why didn't he text sooner? Well, what could he say? Pidge liked to have all of his pawns in order before making a move. It helped him focus better too.  
For instance it was a lot easier to say 'hey, found a nice apartment near the campus but my scholarship doesn't cover all of it- would you be down to room with me?' than it was to say 'I can't stay in the dorms for reasons- and i want you to stay with me because my dad likes you.'  
PIdge set his phone down beside him and sighed, to nervous to look at it but too excited to look away. He pulled up some music on his computer and began to sketch. 

about fifteen minutes later he heard his phone buzz and he quickly snapped it up opening the new message.

|[Takashi:Sure, I'd love to. Is your dad really okay with you rooming with a man a few years older than you though? :/ ]|

|[Pidge: I'm sure he'd been fine with it. It's not like you're just *any* guy Shiro.]|

Even just typing that he felt his heart beat a little faster.

|[Takashi: Well, you do have a point. Send me the link to the apartment. I'm in town already so I can go look at it. I'm not going to let someone scam us. ]|

|[ Pidge: Okay! I'll send it in a sec! ]| 

After sending the link Pidge slipped his phone in his pocket and went to check up on Matt and their Dad. He was both nervous and excited to see what they had to say.

Matt had already started making his way down the hall, he head hung low.. a serious air around him. 

"Matt..? Are you okay?"

"Pidge... it was worse than I thought it would be..Dad..." Matt sighed, his voice heavy and full of despair. "Dad wants to help you move it!" He said, pulling his face up to reveal a smile. "This mean i'm going to have to drive him into the city! he's the worst in cars. He always wants to direct me, even when I tell him I know where i'm going."

All the worry in Pidge's face melted away, leaving him to chuckle a bit. He leaned over to punch Matt's arm. "You dork, you really had me worried there."

Matt laughed and managed to dodge the soft baby punch, "So, what did Shiro say?"

Pidge pressed his mouth into a thin line and looked away. "He said yes. In fact he's going to go check it out tomorrow and make sure it's not a scam. The price is pretty low for a two bedroom." 

"Really! That's great! I'm glad we got this figured out so quickly. fingers crossed that it's the real deal."

"Yeah... Fingers crossed." Pidge whispered under his breath- a light smile gracing his face.


	2. Baby steps

  
After everything was set in place it was finally move in day, and Shiro couldn't be more excited. Not only was he getting a good deal on an apartment close to the college but he was also about to meet up with his close friends- The holt family. It had been a few years since he'd actually seen any of them, aside from Matt.   
  
Shiro really needed this move too, after his lease ran up for his apartment in downtown he honestly didn't know what to do and by some saving grace pidge had come through with an offer that he couldn't refuse.  
With rent already being low- and Shiro only having to pay about half, plus some utilities, he would have been an idiot to say no. However It was a little.. bothersome, to say the least, that he's be staying with a person he's grown up with- almost viewing them as a sister- but none the less if their father was okay with it, then he'd be okay with it too.   
Shiro had heard second had from Matt that Pidge was Nonbinary- hence why'd started calling them Pidge, but he wasn't too sure what that actually meant- his family was pretty cut off from the rest of the world so he never really got the chance to ask questions about gender and sexuality. It was definitely a conversation he'd have to have with Pidge sometime in the near future.  
  
Shiro had parked his car in front of the complex after visiting the office to get his set of keys, he was immediately surprised to see a familiar car parked next to him. It took him a minute but he was sure he knew who's car it was. Shiro got out of his car with a smile on his face, maybe they we're on the same floor as him? that would be nice.. we'll on his part anyways.  
Takashi Shirogane made his way up the stair to unlock his door, the Holt's would be here soon to help them get moved in, that was went he bumped into them.  
  
"Hey! Watch where you're go-- Shiro?"  
Shiro had moved to steady the other, but when he saw who he'd bumped into he couldn't help but let a warm smile melt over his face. He placed a firm hand on their shoulder and let out a hearty chuckle.  
"Hey, Keith. So you _do_ live here."  
"Yeah, but how did you- Did your mom send you?"  
"She's your mom too."  
"No. My mom's buried in texas."  
  
With that the smile left shiro's face, swiftly being replaced but a serious look.  
"Keith, You're a part of this family. She cares about you just as much as she cares about me, hell I'd even say she likes you more."  
"That's because I don't ask her for rent money."  
Keith had brushed away Shiro's hand and stepped to the side, giving a better view of the five foot nine inch mulleted dickweed that Shiro called his brother.  
"I don't either, we'll any more."   
"You never answered my question. Why are you here, Takashi."  
Shiro shook his head and stuck his hand into his pocket,  
"I didn't know it was illegal to visit your brother- Anyways..." and pulled the keys out, holding them up by his face- "I live here now."  
  
"WHAT. No, This is a joke right? Let me see, what room are you?"  
Keith had snatched the keys away and looked them over, "504, which are you?"  
The younger brother's voice was heavy and rough like gravel. "503."  
  
Shiro could help but laugh as he took back his keys and headed over to his door to unlock it. "I'm glad that you're my neighbor- I'm not sure we could handle anyone else."  
Keith snapped his head back at the other, "We? You have a roommate? wait.. is 504 a two bedroom? What the hell I asked for a two bedroom so long ago"  
"You don't need a two bedroom, Keith. I know one of your rooms would just be your conspiracy lab.. and that's really not healthy for you."  
"You're really good at redirecting conversation so that you don't have to answer my questions."  
Shiro twisted the key in the lock and opened it.  
"Ah, look at the time keith. I really gotta start getting my stuff in before my roommate shows up."  
"So you DO have a roommate. I thought you didn't like rooming with guys."  
"Bye keith, I'll talk to you later."  
"Wait, shiro-- Is it a girl?"  
Shiro walked into the bare apartment and closed the door behind him, only faintly hearing keith yell "So it is a girl!" He shook his head and began to plan out where things would go. Since Pidge was moving from their parent's house they probably didn't have much more than the contents of their room, so shiro had brought the majority of his stuff.  
Shiro took the smaller of the two rooms, it had one window that looked out into a stone courtyard, there were a few bushes and some trees but over all.. it was pretty lacking. It was a nice view though, uniform smooth flagstone bricks with a few tables and chairs set up and a bench in the corner next to a pond that he can only assume at one point actually pumped water.  
Happy with his choice he started back out to his car to grab a few boxes of his stuff- he had a small car so he'd hired a moving team to help. They would be arriving soon, he was sure of it but that certainly didn't mean that he couldn't start putting away dishes and things of that nature.  
Down at his small mazda he's popped open the trunk, first thing's first he took the cooler of food he'd purchased up and placed the contents in the fridge. Just basic ingredients like fresh greens, fruits and lean meats not to mention a few canned goods he's managed to bring with, after all who wanted to move into a house and not be able to eat a homecooked meal? Shiro was a firm believer in cooking at home, as he'd never really been a fan of going out to eat.  After that he went back down and grabbed too big boxes, then started headed back up- figuring it would be better to bring everything in before unpacking.  
  
"Hey! Shiro! You need any help?" the taller Holt brother ran up to Shiro, smiling and waving.  
"Hey, Matt! Yeah, could you get one of those smaller boxes and then the door for me?"  
"No problem!"  
"Where's Pidge?"  
"Still back with dad, He's grabbing some of his stuff."  
There was an awkward moment before Shiro spoke up,  
"His?"  
"Ah! I was going to wait for him to tell you himself.. but looks like old habits die hard. Pidge came out as trans."  
"Trans?" Shiro asked as he made his way up the stairs to his apartment.  
"Yeah, so like... You know a few months ago when He asked you to stop calling Him Katie and asked you to start calling him Pidge? He said it was because he was NonBinary, but what he didn't included to anyone but me was the fact that he was NonBinary- Demi male. Which mean's he didn't feel like anyone gender but prefered Male clothing and pronouns.. well somewhere along the line he decided that he just wanted to be a he, and now he is." He moved in front of the taller Male and made it too the door. "Is it unlocked?" Shiro nodded, giving a slight hum as he did so. It was strange to think so much could change in such a little amount of time, but Pidge was only just now turning eighteen, they really didn't have any idea who they were.  
Shiro was dragged out of thought when Matt opened the door and set down the box he had.  
"I'm gonna go help Dad and Pidge, I don't care how cool you think you are- don't bring in more than one box at a time. You won't do us any good if you throw out your back- we still have to bring Pidge's bed up."  
"Right, right. Sorry." Shiro said with a smile as he set down the boxes of dishes and cooking supplies, such as pots and pans.  All shiro had left was a bag of clothes and then his linens and towels. Aside from that the rest would be coming later.  
  
He hadn't seen Pidge in almost three years, but that was about to change. Takashi made his way down the stairs and out to where Matt Hold was standing, all thought.. it looked like their were two of them. He rubbed his eyes before looking again, just to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, before he called out to the other, "Pidge?"   
  
The shorter of the two turned on their heels quickly when they heard their name, only to stop and look over Shiro in awe.   
  
"Hey! It really is you. You look so much like matt now, it's crazy."   
  
"We keep telling her to grow her hair back out again, but she doesn't seem to want to listen to a word we say."  Dr. holt had chimed in, leaving everyone in the area a little uncomfortable. However Shiro quickly spoke up after realizing that Dr.Holt didn't know. "I like it short. It's cute."  
"You better not say that around Dad, Shiro."  
"Ah! I didn't realize there was anything wrong with complimenting someone's hair!" He said chuckling, Shiro moved over to pidge and rested his hand on their shoulder, whispering a soft 'it's okay' before breaking the conversation once more. "Let's get that bed frame upstairs, hm? I bet I can lift it by myself with no problem."   
"What did I say about showing off, Shiro? You're going to throw out your back like the old man you are."  
"Twenty-two is not old, Matt."  
  
  
The next few hours had been fine to say the least, between Matt and Pidge they had somehow managed to only break one cup-  which was when Shrio decided Plastic cups might be a better alternative and as a collective they managed not to bring up Pidge's gender and only call them by their name, not their pronouns. It was the safest route considering they were unsure of how Dr.Holt would react.  After what seemed like ages, and thirty phone calls later Shiro's furniture finally came in and he directed them where to put everything.  So, by the time the sun was setting their small apartment had finally come together, Shiro and Pidge walked the Holts down to their car and said their goodbyes, sharing and awkward amount of hugs.  
  
Dr. Hold pulled Takashi aside after a few minutes and spoke up. "Takashi, I'm trusting you not to lay a finger on my child. I have never had reason to doubt you, and I don't doubt you now. I just want to make it clear, right here. Right now. The only reason i'm letting this happen is because I know what kind of person you are. Do you understand me?"  
A little taken back by the sudden seriousness, Shiro straightened up and bowed his head. "Yes sir. I'd never do anything to harm Pidge, in any way, shape or form."  
"Good, now with that out of the way," Dr holt spoke, his voice changing back to a happy tone before he got into the passenger seat of his car, "Have a great year!" Takashi waved as the Holt family left, slowly walking over to pidge.  
  
"My Dad didn't do anything weird, did he?"  
"What? Why would you assume he would."  
"The man eats brussel sprouts, and likes them. He is weird, Shiro."   
That lead them both to chuckle a little, shiro looked down and his watch- eyebrows arching when he saw the time.  
"Ah, I should really start on dinner. You finish unpacking and by the time you're done, dinner will be ready."  
"Okay sounds good!" Pidge chirped out as he hurried off to his room, more than a little excited to eat Shiro's cooking. He was so grateful to have everything line up the way it did, to have a roommate that accepted him, to have a family that would give him room to grow. Sure it would be nice if his dad would call him the right pronouns, but he could work on talking to them about that. Right now he just needed to take.. baby steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping to post Bi-weekly, starting next week i'll (try to) update every Tuesday and Thursday. ( but it that runs me out really fast I might drop down to one update a week- we'll see.)


	3. old friends

  
"SO, IT'S A GIRL?" Keith called out, as Takashi walked away from him. As he walked into his apartment and put his kettle on, Keith let his mind wander. He couldn't believe his fucking adoptive older brother was living in the same apartment complex as him. This threw a huge wrench into his plan. The plan, of course, being to avoid his adoptive family altogether. He resented them with every fiber of his being. Due to the Shirogane  and Kogane families being close, Keith was adopted shortly after being born. His biological father had never really been in the picture and his mother had died shortly after his birth. It was in her will that if anything should happen to her, Keith would live with the Shirogane family. That would have been fine with Keith if he had been told as such from the beginning, but he hadn't even known he was adopted until he was about 12 years old, when someone brought it up at school. God, Keith had gotten so angry with Shiro for not telling him, but, looking back on it, the whole situation had been out of his brother's control. Still, Keith had never really gotten over that. He had moved into some low-income housing after he turned 18, and never looked back. Shiro tried to reach out to him, but Keith had wanted nothing to do with him.

 

Now, here he was, next-door neighbors with his brother and, most likely, his brother's girlfriend. Ew - what a gross thought. The walls were too thin for that.  
Shiro had never really shown an interest in anyone before, neither boys nor girls, but one thing Keith did know about the eldest Shirogane sibling was that he would almost always refuse to room with other guys. Keith didn't really know why, though. That was a story he'd have to ask about some other time, he supposed. 

 

After collecting himself, Keith headed over to the cabinet to grab his favorite mug in order to fix himself a cup of instant coffee, which probably took just as much time to make as regular coffee, but he hadn't gotten around to purchasing a coffee pot yet. Keith took his cup out onto his balcony that looked over the courtyard, and sat down in his red and black bungee cord chair. Between work and the mental taxation of knowing he'd actually have to talk to Takashi, all Keith wanted to do was just relax. He sighed and sipped his coffee, looking up only to see - 

"Oh, great." He mumbled under his breath after making eye contact with his weird neighbor. They were drying their shirts again. Why not just use the dryer? In all honesty, Keith secretly liked to watch them whenever they had lunch in the courtyard, seeing as they were the only person who actually used that stone death trap. They did dumb things, which was pretty entertaining - for example, the other day they had battled a squirrel that had tried to steal their sandwich. They must have heard Keith mutter to himself, because they turned around and flipped him off.  
"Hey, Keith! Glad to see you got away from your 'Aliens are real' board for once."  
Keith squinted his eyes, mentally taking back all of the nice things he'd thought about his neighbor.  
"Hey, Lance. I might believe in aliens, but at least I also believe in wearing pants and using my dyer."  
"Do you even know what these shirts are made of? They can't go through the dryer! They'd shrink to puppy-size. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not a puppy."  
"No, but you're certainly a dog."  
"You're certainly a--"  
"A what?"  
"Fuck you, Keith."  
Keith rolled his eyes, continuing to drink his coffee. Lance was never very talented when it came to comebacks and insults. It was a little unfair that Keith had so much practice. 

 

The two of them had been classmates in high school, that is, until Keith dropped out during his senior year to move out and live on his own. The only way he could afford to do that was to work full time. Part of him was pretty sure that Lance hated him for that, although he didn't know why. It seemed like a dumb thing to be mad about.

 

Every once in a while, Lance would try and call him or send him an email, but Keith had become very good at cutting everyone out of his life and isolating himself. Even when his friends would come and try to check on him, he'd keep his door locked and refused to respond to texts, making the excuse that he was 'too busy' and that he'd get back to them later.  
Keith really hated that he was like that. It would be a lot easier if he could actually trust people to not fuck him over, but between his personality disorder and finding out he was adopted after some prick at school called him "cheese nip" everyday for a week until he broke their nose and got detention, Keith had a hard time trusting anyone. Ever.

 

He'd often thought of it as a safeguard. Besides, if nobody got close to him, no one would get hurt...right?

Right.

After all, Keith was one of the biggest reasons Takashi had had to move out. Keith was one of the biggest reasons that he'd lost his arm, too.

Keith didn't notice his neighbor shouting at him until Lance's shoe came flying across the gap, hitting Keith's door with a loud slap.  
  
"What the hell, Lance? Are you trying to kill me?"  
"I've been trying to get your attention for, like, 15 minutes now! You got all weird and nearly dropped your cup. That's your favorite mug!"

 

Keith looked at him, confused, then looked at his mug, and then back to Lance.  
"How did you know that?"  
"You drink out of it every day on your balcony, like the old man you are."  
Keith sat his mug down on a small table he had out there and rubbed the back of his neck.  
"Sorry, thanks for getting my attention. I'd be pretty upset if I had broken it."  
The other was somewhat taken aback, having expected some sassy or rude comment in return but instead receiving a genuine apology.  
"Don't worry about it, but, uh...will you come bring me my shoe?"  
Keith looked at the shoe and then back at Lance, smiling and shaking his head.  
"I don't really feel like it. Sorry, Lance."  
"BRO."  
Keith collected the mug and Lance's shoe, chuckling a bit as he went inside. Keith rinsed out his mug, set it in the sink, and then headed out of his apartment, locking the door behind him. "Time to deliver Cinderella her glass slipper." He mumbled to himself as he crossed the way to head over to Lance's. Keith didn't see Shiro or his roommate, so that was a pretty good sign. Not having to deal with anything aside from his idiot-across-the-way made everything easier. 

 

He stood in front of the bright red door, knocked, and waited for Lance to open up.

"One minute!!" A voice called from inside as the sound of hurried footsteps filled the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just posted the edited version of this chapter, huehuehue. I swear to you guys i wrote chapter 4 and I have next week written up too so i'll be on time then. I'm trying to get things written early so that I have time to work on future updates- it's amazing how like.. if you take a small hiatus you can get a month's worth of updates done. who knew i could figure out proper time management?


	4. W(h)ine to me

"One minute!!" Lance called from out on his balcony, his voice loud enough and well projected as he ran inside and hurried to get dressed, feet padding across wooden floors. Within moments Lance was unlocking his door and brushing the hair out of his face- only to stop and look at who'd shown up, genuine surprise spreading across his face.  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Yeah who were you expecting? The post man?"  
  
"Well I- I didn't think you'd walk it over."  
  
"Did you actually expect me to throw it back across the way? what if i got dirt on your fancy shirts?" The dark haired neighbors face curled into a stupid smile, god Lance didn't even mind, he'd kill to see any sort of smile from the other.  
  
"Ha ha. do, uh, Do you want to come in?"  
 Keith perked up a bit, his head shifting upward to face Lance, "Sure. Sound great."  
  
 What.  
 This was weird right? Lance and him were like, sworn enemies right? so this could only go badly but, for some reason Lance really wanted it to work out. He stepped aside and let keith in, the other letting out a disgruntled murmur about there not being any house shoes before slipping off their shoes and heading to sit down. Keith handed Lance the shoe that had been thrown across the gap and relaxed on the couch.  
  
"Nice place you have, pretty roomy. It's weird to think we have the same layout but use it so differently."  
  
 Lance tucked the shoe into a cubby before getting himself a glass of Merlot. "I'm like your parallel" He snickered as he spoke, "Can I offer you a glass?"  
  
"I don't..uh. I don't normally drink."  
  
"Come on keith, it's just wine. Don't talk about it like it's going to bite you."  
  
"Isn't wine drunk one of the worst kinds?"  
  
Lance shrugged, not actually knowing, however he DID know he liked being wine drunk.  
  
"It's okay if you don't want one, It's just bad manners not to offer."  
  
 Keith sat there for a moment pondering over customs and the such, then realized he didn't know anything about Lance or who he really was.  
  
"Yeah, okay. I'll have a glass."  
  
"That's the sp-"  
  
" _Don't_. Do not make that pun."  
  
Lance corked the bottle and put it away before bringing Keith his glass. He sat and waited to see Keith reaction to it, considering he'd never seen the other drink before he was pretty sure it would be good. He watched as the other brought the cup up to their mouth, his eyes lingering a bit on their lips, their face scrunching up from the taste.  
  
"This is awful, why do you drink it."  
  
"It's warm."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I mean, it makes me feel warm. Makes life a little easier too."  
  
 Lance sipped his wine and pulled his feet up, tucking them in under himself.  
Keith looked his host over before following in suit, a sort of gaunt look of confusion resting on his face as he did so.  
  
"Lance, you should uh- tell me about yourself. We never really talked in school and now that you're my neighbor, well I'm realizing I don't know anything about you."  
  
 Lance pressed a hand to his chest, trying to act surprised before chuckling and taking another sip.  
  
"Well, what do you want to know? A lot's happened in such a short amount of time."  
after a few soft grumbles keith made up his mind, "tell me about your family."  
  
"Oh geez..."  
  
"What? Do you not like them?"  
  
"No! No.. it's not like that. It's just that.. there's a lot of them, and I grew up in a very connected family so it's hard to separate this. Normally people talk about their Parents and siblings first but even my Nonna and Boppa lived with us."  
  
"Bo-...ppa?"  
  
"Ah, like- my mom's father."  
  
"Your grandfather."

"Yeah, my Boppa."  
  
 Keith shook his head chuckling a bit then sipped his wine and sat up more.  
  
"You said your Nonna, are you?"  
  
"Italian? Yeah. Well.. Sorta. I'm mixed, My mom's side of the family is from Italy and my Dad's sides from Spain."  
  
"And what do you call your grandparents on your Dad's side?"  
  
"Mi abuelo y abuela? What else would I call them?"  
  
"I don't know? I don't even really know what you just said. You should tell me about your.. home life?"  
  
 "Hell." Lances face scrunched up thinking about it, "Oh my god. Everyday was a war. My Nonna would always try and make me eat more, my Boppa would fall asleep in the lazy boy and yell at you if you turned off wheel of fortune- he never learned english either so I don't really know what he got out of it? it's not like he understood what they were saying.  
 Mi Abuelo Almost never came over- he really didn't like Mom's side of the family, Both my parents worked and my four siblings would either be at school or work and if they were home they were either cranky or working on homework and cranky, which really only left my Abuela. she taught me everything I know pretty much. How to cook, clean, how to cut and dye hair even how to sew. Honestly without her I'd be a complete mess."  
  
"Wow, that's certainly a lot. Where do you fall in your siblings?"  
  
"The golden middle child, I have an and older sister and brother and then two younger sisters as well. My parents decided five was a good number to stop at- god my cousins are another story though. How about you? What's your family like."  
  
 Keith stopped looked into his wine glass and then tipped it back sucking down every last drop.  
  
"That bad huh?" Lance snorted as he laughed, god what a ugly laugh, "Want another glass?"  
 He stood when his guest nodded, going to poor him another glass before coming back and sitting down. Keith took his newly filled glass of wine and ran his finger over the rim.  
  
"I don't know, Takashi's not bad but...our mom and d- our mom, sucks ass. I can't really say that though because of the culture I was raised in. I was adopted when I was a baby and didn't even know until I was twelve. I mean- it's not that surprising, Takashi and I do look a lot a like but when I found out that he was full blooded Japanese and I was half pacific islander, half american.. things got a little more interesting. I started to lash out more, my behavior became and issue and the only way I could think of fixing it was to get out of that hell hole. That's why..."  
  
Keith sighed and rolled his head.  
  
"That's why I dropped out of school, I still haven't gotten my general education diploma and I barely make enough at my cousins grocery story to pay rent."  
  
Lance grew quiet, letting the gently sounds of the room wash over him. The soft hum and tumble of the dishwasher, the barely noticeable tic of the clock, even Keith's shallow breathing could be picked up on. He stood up and walked over to his guest, sitting down next to them before pulling them into a hug.  
  
"I'm sorry, Keith. That sound's really rough. If you ever need to- you can come over for meals. I cook enough for this whole apartment complex anyways." Lance chuckled a bit, joking even when the mood was more serious. "Seriously though, you can always come over. I'll even flip you off less if that make's you more happy."  
  
Keith stood up, setting down his glass before moving to put on his shoes.  
  
"Keith?"  
  
"Shut. Up. I don't need your pity."  
  
"What? No, I'm not-"  
  
"Yes. You are. Everyone always does this too. 'Poor Keith' 'such a hard working boy, it's a shame.' I used to be the top of our fucking class and now I'm just a fucking wash up- I'm tired of it. I'm tired off all of this. I'm going home."  
  
Keith opened the door, going to slam it shut only to have lance catch it. The brunette stepped outside with Keith and let the door fall shut as he spoke, "Keith please. I wasn't trying to make fun of you. I want to help I-"  
  
"YOU WHAT." He snapped back, furious purple eyes locking with hurt blue ones.  
  
"Fuck. You. Keith. Take someone's help for ONCE. It's not like the whole world is out to get you. Maybe have a little trust in me." Lance hissed out, his words more soaked with pain than he'd liked to admit.  
  
He was stupid to think this would ever work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S ORRY THIS IS SO LATE. I've been working on other chapters and college things- but i don't think there will be another pause like this one? ah- actually.. i've just realized that i have 3 or 4 chapters to write still... i really wish i could write things in order. smh. some1 pray 4 me.


	5. Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler: Keith's a gay

 It was hot, like a fire in the desert. One spark, and his whole world caught fire. Keith wasn't sure how it started, but with each touch from the other, each angry half-assed comeback and each step closer, he knew how it was going to end. He grabbed Lance by the collar and jerked him close, seeing the same fire that burned inside himself in Lance's eyes. Without another word, their lips collided, crashing violently and without rhythm, desperate for each other. 

"Fuck you, Lance."

  
"Be my guest, Keith."

Keith's brow furrowed, his purple eyes narrowing as he stared the other down. He pushed the taller boy up against the apartment door, kissing him again. "Open your door."

"W-Wait, really?"

"Open your door, Lance."  
 Lance quickly broke free and unlocked his door, barely getting it open before Keith grabbed his collar again, dragging him inside.  
Keith locked the door and pushed Lance down on the sofa, stripping off his own shirt before waiting for Lance to do the same.

"H-Holy shit. Oh. Okay." Lance fumbled with his clothing for a minute, somehow managing to get it off in the end.  
  
"Don't you want to go to my room?"  
  
"Don't you want to suck my cock?" Keith snapped back in a mocking tone.

Nervously, Lance shifted to get on his knees. He moved to unzip Keith's pants, his voice shaking a bit.

"Bad comebacks are my job."

Lance felt a gloved hand rest on the top of his head, fingers tangling with his hair, tugging it lightly.  
  
"Right now, this is your only job."

Lance swallowed hard, feeling his heart beating in his throat. He didn't take long to pull the other's member out and trace his fingers over the sensitive skin, sliding the tip onto his soft, warm tongue before slipping it into his mouth.  
Keith's shoulders tensed as Lance took him in his mouth, trying his best not to seem like he'd wanted this from the start. It was humid and sticky, and he could feel sweat beading at his brow, his hair becoming matted and sticking to the back of his neck.  
Lance pulled off, his cheeks hollowed and breaking the air with a light pop.

"You better actually fuck me and not just my mouth."  
  
"I'll think about fucking you when you give a better blow job."  
  
Lance smirked. "Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"You didn't wa--" Keith's remark was cut short when Lance pushed his mouth back on the other's cock, hollowing his cheeks and pumping the base with his right hand. Keith's still-tangled fingers tugged at Lance's hair as he gasped, moaning - downright begging for more.  
Lance snickered around the blowjob, only to look up and notice... how fucking pretty Keith was.  
The way his skin glistened, how his mouth parted with moist pants, and heavy breaths. The tears began to bead up at the corner of his perfect purple eyes.  
 Lance was pulled out of his trance when Keith literally pulled him off of his dick.

"Your room, now."

 Lance was slightly stunned, but quickly got up and went to his room, the other close behind.  
Keith ran his hands over Lance's waist, slipping his hands into the waistband before flicking open the button and pushing Lance's pants down. He wasn't that surprised to see that the other wasn't wearing underwear. "Get on your bed."

"Keith, wait, why are you-"

"Lance. Bed. Now."

"But do you have feelings for me or are you just fucking me?"

" **Lance**."

"Right, right. Bed. Now. I get it. Look, even if you are just fucking me, I-I'm glad."

Lance got on his bed after getting out a condom and lube, letting Keith take over from there. Keith looked him over, stripped down, and put a small amount of lube on his fingers. Everything in his mind was telling him to stop, telling him not to get involved with this boy, but Keith ignored it and gave into his urges.   
Between hot, bated breaths and desperate moans, the two became interlocked, scratching and biting at each other, begging for more. When it was over, Lance fell asleep, giving Keith the perfect opportunity to leave. 

 

He put on his clothing and left, making his way back across the street, bumping into Shiro on the way.

 

  
"You look like hell, Keith. You okay?"

" **Shut. Your. _Fuck_**."

"I- Uh. What? Did I say something wrong?"  
  
 Keith sighed and shook his head. "Are you free today?"

"Yeah, just finished my jog. What do you need?"

"Will you cover for me? I really can't go in today."

Shiro paused, looking the other over before nodding. "Yeah, I can do that. When do you start?"

"In thirty minutes."

Shiro looked down at his watch. "Keith, I'd have to leave now."

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll go get my uniform-- will you at least give them a call and tell them?" 

"Mhmm." Keith barely put any effort into making enough noise for Shiro to hear his response before creeping back to his room and locking the door. He slid down to the floor, his back pressed against the door,  and hid his face in his hands. 

 

"Fuck."  
   
 He'd be lying if he said this hadn't happened before, if he said he'd never been with a guy before, but this was the the first time that he felt bad for leaving. Keith wanted to stay there with Lance, and run his fingers through his soft hair and over his warm, sun-kissed skin. He'd never had someone say they were glad to be with him. Every other encounter had been in, out, and over with minimal conversation - just one-night stands to fill whatever void he could. So why did he feel so shitty now? Did Keith actually like this prick? 

 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H EY so uh, i hope u liked this chapter i did my darnedest-- i next week i plan to put out three chapters (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) to prep ur lil cute faces for-- ah... how do i put this?? a lIteral shit fest. 
> 
> The Shit fest, or "Emotional Bomb" as i've been calling it will be one update every day Mon-Fri, I have all the chapters written up but there might be a small hiatus after because i somehow failed to ACTUALLY write all of this month's upd8's so this week I'll be writing those next three chapters.


	6. Milk and Honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot it was thursday-

Class had been rough. 

 

 More than just rough - it had been life-ruining. Imagine, being so proud of yourself and basking in that glory - only to step in verbal dog shit right after. Pidge had had the highest grade in the whole class, but when a project came up that was worth half of his grade, he quickly became the worst student in the class. Apparently, the teacher didn't like the drone he had redesigned and reprogrammed. It wasn't Rover's fault - the teacher was just a fucking dick. 

 

 After finally getting off the bus and making it back to his apartment, Pidge unlocked the door and headed inside, setting Rover down on the kitchen counter. He grabbed a quick snack out of the cabinet, having to stand on his tippy toes to reach it, and headed back to his room. Having stripped down to his binder and boxer briefs, Pidge flopped down on his bed and munched on veggie sticks- picking out the green ones and eating them primarily. All he really wanted was to take a long bath and forget that his failure had never happened, but Pidge had heard the dryer running when he came in, which meant that Shiro had probably tossed some laundry in. However, Pidge hadn't actually seen his roommate, so maybe it would be okay for him to hop in the tub.

 

 He sat up and stretched before sliding off of his bed, his bare feet coming into contact with the cold wooden floors. Pidge made his way to the bathroom and checked on the clothes in the dryer. Since they weren't dry yet, he put them back in for a bit longer, then went to start the bath. He'd purchased a very nice bath bomb online a few days earlier and decided that today was the perfect day to use it.

Pidge took the box it came in out from underneath the sink. He opened the package up and removed a palm-sized, white bath bomb, which he slipped into the filled tub.

 

 "This milk and honey bath bomb better be worth my time. It's supposed to seriously relax you and make your skin soft..." He chuckled a bit, realizing he was talking to himself, then undressed and stepped into the warm tub. Pidge eased himself into the murky water and let his whole body relax.

 

 "Okay, yeah. Worth my money." Pidge let out a slow sigh, his back and hips relaxing as the warm water washed over him. He rested his head back against the wall, sitting in an upright position with his eyes closed. He began falling asleep, that is, until he heard the bathroom door start to open. 

 

 "Wait, Shiro, I'm in the t-" Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to finish his sentence before the other had opened the door. Both of them stared at each other for a good minute before Pidge slowly sank into the cloudy white water, his eyes barely peeking above the surface.

 

 "S-Sorry." Shiro's words were jumbled and messy as he quickly turned his head away.  
   
 "I needed to get my work clothes- I didn't know.." Shiro kept talking as he made his way to the dryer, his voice eventually trailing off as he pulled his uniform out and fled the bathroom.

 A few moments passed as Pidge collected himself, only to realize that he hadn't been fully submerged when Shiro came in...which meant that Shiro had seen everything.  
 Pidge's face burned a bright red as he rested a hand over his chest, feeling what the other had seen. Before he could even really comprehend what just happened, tears began to fall, hitting the water and causing the surface to ripple. 

 

 What was he going to do now? Shiro had seen him naked, saw his body - the body of a girl. Bubbles floated up as Pidge was no longer able to hold his breath, forcing him to sit back up and breathe. He tried to keep steady, even breaths, but to no avail. The boy broke down in gasps and choked sobs, thinking that there was no way he could ever be with Shiro now.

 Even if the other thought nothing less of him, Pidge's own mind would continually repeat this moment- drilling in the idea that Shiro only liked him because of his - because of Katie. 

 He felt disgusting, like his skin was crawling, and his mind was screaming for him to just - rip it off. Tear it off. Get rid of it and get rid of himself. In the midst of his panic a soft knock came to the bathroom door, followed by Shiro's calm, deep voice.

"I have to head off to work- it will only be a few hours. If you want, we can talk about this when I get back... I'm sorry." 

 

 Pidge stayed quiet, no longer able to tell if the water was hot or cold. Everything was numb. He heard Shiro sigh, and then the sound of feet padding over to the front door, shoes being put on, and the door opening and closing.  
  
 He was alone now.

 Alone.

Pidge stood up and drained the tub, ready to run away from the problem at hand. He grabbed his towel and dried off, stopping to look in the mirror.

 "Maybe it's for the best. It's not like he'd be into a guy anyways, right?" Pidge said with a sad smile, his words hollow and wracked with pain. "At least now.. I have a better chance.." He dropped his towel on the floor and headed back to his room, looking both ways down the hall to make sure that Shiro was actually gone before walking across the hall naked and closing his bedroom door behind him. Pidge headed over to his laundry basket, the clothes all clean but not folded yet. He pulled out a shirt, only to scrunch his brows and tug a tight frown in place. It was Shiro's. He threw it at his bed, more angry at himself than anything, and grabbed some lacy panties. After putting them on, Pidge crawled into bed, poking at his breast.

 

 He was almost mad at himself for wondering if Shiro liked what he'd seen. Pidge curled up under the blanket, but soon found himself migrating toward the shirt. It still smelled like Shiro, and that was one of the most comforting smells in the world. Unable to help himself,  Pidge soon pulled the shirt on, calming down completely and snuggling into bed. In fact, Pidge had gotten so comfortable that he'd fallen asleep, waking up only to the sound of the front door opening. He jumped out of bed and threw the shirt back into his laundry bin, grabbing one of his own shirts and some pajama pants to put on before heading out of his room to greet Shiro.

 

"I'm home," Takashi called as he took off his shoes and tossed his keys into the basket by the front door.

 

"Hey...welcome back. How was work?"

Shiro was caught a little bit off-guard, but replied anyways.

"It was alright, I had to fill in for Keith - apparently something came up today. I really didn't mind, though." There was a pause before Shiro stood up and went to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of iced tea.  
"Are you feeling better? Sorry about earlier.. we don't have to talk about it if you don't want."  
  
Pidge shook his head slightly. "No, it's alright. We can. I am feeling better now, will you pour me a glass?"  
Shiro nodded, making it the way the other liked.  
  
"So, earlier--"

"How much did you see?"

Shiro was always such a straightforward guy, never getting too lost in what he was trying to say, and always getting down to business right away - and so, for Pidge, seeing him flustered was...a weird change.

"A lot," Shiro said quietly as he handed the other their cup and took a sip of his own tea.

"Shiro, seriously. Did you see nip, or....?"

The older male choked on his tea, nearly spitting it everywhere. Somehow, he managed to swallow it, covering his mouth as he coughed.

 

"Sorry...I just...want to know how much your view of me is going to change."

 

Shiro turned to face Pidge at that statement, walking over and placing a hand on the other's shoulder.

"Pidge, nothing like that is going to change my perspective of you. It was an accident, and accidents happen. You're still Pidge, you're still-"

"A guy?" Pidge had cut the other off, his own insecurities getting to him.

"Yes, of course." Shiro looked down at him, just now noticing that Pidge didn't have a binder on. Quickly realizing he'd fucked up, Shiro looked back up at the other's eyes. Thankfully, Pidge hadn't noticed.

"Then why don't I feel like one?"

Shiro pulled the smaller male into a hug, resting his chin on his head. "Because you're going by a preconceived notion of what a 'guy' is. You're not like other guys, Pidge. You're not like any other person out there, and that's what makes you...you. That's what makes you perfect." Shiro had started to pick up on soft smells of something sweet in Pidge's hair, but just assumed that was from his bath. "Please, don't doubt what you are. I don't. I don't see you as anything less than male, because you're not." 

 

At that point, Pidge had started crying into Shiro's shoulder, his tears soaking into the fabric of the other's shirt. He clung to the taller man as if the floor was giving out beneath him, falling away to the end of the world. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't even move, but Shiro held Pidge the whole time, calming him.

"It's okay, Pidge, it's okay. Can you walk?"

The brunette shook his head, still unable to talk. With that, Shiro bent down and picked him up with ease, carrying Pidge back to his room. Pidge was caught off-guard by the sudden movement, pressing himself closer to Shiro so that he didn't fall. His hand pressed against Shiro's firm chest.  
  
"What? Afraid I'm going to drop you?"  
  
Pidge bit his lip and looked away. Soon, he was lowered into his bed and covered with a fluffy grey blanket.

"You should get some rest, Pidge. You're going to make yourself sick if you stress too much." Shiro spoke softly as he ruffled Pidge's hair. He made his way to the door, about to turn off the light, when Pidge spoke up.

"Um...Shiro..." Shiro turned back and faced his roommate, resting against the doorframe as he waited.

"Yes?"

"One of your shirts got mixed up in my laundry - it's on the top of the basket."

"Oh, thank you." Shiro smiled and headed over to the basket to grab the shirt.  
  
"Will you turn on my fan?"

"No problem," Shiro responded as he leaned over, turning on the box fan in the corner of the room before walking to the door with his shirt.  
"Get some rest, and come see me if you need anything." Shiro spoke softly as he turned off the light, letting Pidge's fairy lights take over the room with a soft glow, then walked out to his own room.  
Shiro went to fold the shirt, getting a whiff of that same sweetness he'd smelled in Pidge's hair. It smelled like...milk and honey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a slo next week might be late because i just got a new job- posts will be put up after 6pm central time if i can get them up at all  
> rip


	7. Hunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O kay. so updates are slow as shit bc i literally wake up and go to work then get home and pass out  
> Chapter 8 is almost done, then i have to suck it up and write 9 but after that we should be good!! I have 10-14 written!! and im outlining 15, 16 & 17
> 
> someone send help ;o;

 Pidge woke up to his phone buzzing, a phone call? He squinted his eyes and sat up, reaching for his glasses before he actually looked at his cell phone. Oh- no, it wasn't a phone call, it was several texts from someone.  
  
  
[|Cupcake: Hey! I know I haven't texted you or Lance in awhile, hope you guys didn't forget about me. |]  
  
[|Cupcake: You still asleep?|]  
  
[|Cupcake: Or did you put me in your phone as something weird again.|]  
  
[|Cupcake: It's something weird isn't it? Or- well knowing you it's probably both.|]  
  
[|Cupcake: It's Tsuyoshi by the way, you know you best bro that went out of state so he could bake fancy cakes for a living?|]  
  
 Oooooh, all the confusion left his face and he quickly changed the contact info to 'Hunk' before responding.  
  
[|Pidge: Hey, Hunk!! Sorry I didn't respond sooner. You're right though, it was both.|]  
  
[|Hunk: Thought so. Is Lance still "pringles can dick" in your phone?|]  
  
[|Pidge: Oh my god. That's who's number it is. I should text him sometime.|]  
  
[|Hunk: You should text him now, and both of you should come meet me. I'm in town.|]  
  
 Pidge got out of bed quickly and started to get dressed, not really sure what to wear- he hadn't seen his high school friends in such a long time. Pidge set his phone down and started digging through his closet, tossing aside different shirts and pants until he came across a shirt that said "I don't believe in humans." Yeah okay, that wasn't too far off from his high school aesthetic. He slipped the shirt on and slipped into some pants- nice full length, guy cut skinny jeans. It was... weird. Shorts were always the better choice but it was laundry day for him. His wardrobe was probably too big if he had to do several loads of laundry a week. After grabbing some socks with cows on them pidge picked his phone back up texting Lance.  
  
[|Pidge: Hey Lance, it's Pidge. Ik i haven't texted you in awhile but Hunk just message me saying he was in town. Want to meet up with us?|]  
Pidge set his phone back down and put on his socks and shoes, stuffing a bear wallet into his back pocket as he stood,  
  
[Pringles can dick: You don't text me for months and then ask me to meet up in town? Rood. Yeah I can do that- you still don't have a car do you.|]  
  
 Yes, he was going to leave them as pringles can dick.  
  
[|Pidge: No, but I was going to ask Shiro to drive me.|]  
  
[|Pringles can dick: You know Shiro?||  
  
[|Pidge: Yeah? We grew up together, Lance. You already knew that.|]  
  
[|Pringles can dick: I thought you grew up with Takashi Shirogane?|]  
  
[|Pringles can dick:.....oh. SHIROgane.|]  
  
[|Pidge: Ding ding ding, we have a winner.|]  
  
[|Pringles can dick: Shut up. Where are we meeting?|]  
  
 Pidge switched conversations and got the address from hunk, then sent it to Lance. He tucked his phone into his pocket and went to go talk to Shiro, stopping at their open door to see them still asleep.  
 The morning light hit his roommates perfectly sculpted body in all the right ways. Pidge, not wanting to be too rude knocked on the door, but when he was met with no response he walked in to wake the other up. Pidge nudged the other's... rather muscular shoulder only to pull his hand back and pull off his glasses to rub his eye, stupid long lashes getting in his eyes all the time.  
 Shiro must have woken up from the nudge as he shifted over to face the other. He reached his hand out and pulled pidge down closer, kissing them.  
  
 It was probably only a few seconds but to pidge it felt like long drawn out minutes, his face burning bright red as he shoved a pillow into Shiro's face and walked out of the room. Pidge put his glasses back on and grabbed his house key before slamming the door behind himself.  
  
 What the fuck just happened? He knew that kiss was meant for someone else.. so why did he secretly hope... Pidge shook his head and texted Lance.  
  
[|Pidge: Hey something came up.. Will you come get me. I can help pay for gas, idk where you actually live.|]  
  
[|Pringles can dick: No problem send me your address and I'll come get you.|]  
  
[|Pidge: 1741 Crowne Dr, Aprt 504.|]  
  
 Pidge once again put his phone away and walked down the steps, sitting on the bottom one. Considering he thought he'd be alone for a bit until Lance showed up, he pulled his knees to his chest and let his emotions get the best of him. Sniffling a bit until he head footsteps come up next to him. He scooted to the side thinking that someone might have wanted to get passed him, but he was met with a soft pat on his head. Pidge slowly lifted his head looking up at his brown haired friend whom had an air of concern around him.  
  
"You okay, Pidge?"  
  
"Holy shit, Lance. How did you get here so fast." Pidge asked as he wiped away tears and stood up quickly.  
  
"Oh. I just live one building over. 602. Why were you crying?"  
  
"No reason." He shook his head and started following Lance over to their car.  
  
"Stupid long lashes keep getting in the way is all."  
  
 Lance gave him a look before unlocking his car and getting in, if pidge didn't want to talk about it there wasn't really a lot Lance could do.  
  
"So how've you been?" the taller male asked, forcing out a smile as he buckled up and pulled out of the parking lot.  
"I've been... ah.. really shitty actually. Yesterday sucked."  
 Yesterday really did _suck_ , lance laughed to himself. Making sure it wasn't audible- considering his friend was coming to him with their issues.  
  
"I'm really sorry lil P, what happened? if you don't mind me asking."  
  
"Uh.. Just class and um.. some roommate drama."  
  
"Sounds spicy. What's the scoop."

"You know what the scoop is, you've known what the scoop was since high school."  
  
"Wait, you moved in with the guy you had a crush on? Who's also like a super awesome volleyball player and Keith's brother?"  
  
"Yes, yes and really? Wait. Who's Keith."  
  
"We went to highschool with hi- ah, wait. He dropped out the year you came. Um, I fucke- Fucking hate him a lot."  
  
Pidge turned his head, a soft smirk on his face. "Did you just say you fucked him."  
  
"What. NO." Lance sped up a bit, darting through a yellow light as it turned red and whipping it around the corner.  
  
"J e s u s LANCE." Pidge screeched, holding on to the ever so coveted 'oh-shit' bar that hung folded above the car door.  
  
"Tell me more about your crush on Shiro- is that why you were crying earlier?"  
  
 Pidge stiffened up a bit, moving his hands down and folding them in his lap.  
  
 "...Yeah. yesterday he walked in on me in the bath.... and today he kissed me while he was half asleep. I- I know he doesn't like me though. I just wish I knew why?"  
  
"Because he's stupid."  
  
"Don't you like, Idolize him or something, Lance?"  
  
"Does it matter? People that don't like you for whatever reason- romantically or otherwise are stupid as shit. You deserve a nice boyfriend and so help me god- I'll get you one."  
   
 Pidge couldn't help but chuckle a bit as they pulled into a small cafe, he got out and quickly made his way inside heading over to Tsuyoshi. Both Lance and Pidge were pulled into a strong hug by their boisterous friend.  
  
"Hey Pidge! Hey Lance! Glad you guys could make it. Lance are you still driving Pidge around?"  
  
 Lance snicker struggling his way out of the hug, pushing the other gently as he freed himself from the lovin's, "Yeah, but he actually lives next to me now, with his roommate."  
  
"Oh?" Hunk looked down at Pidge, a soft smile on his face, "what's she like?"  
  
"My roommate's a guy, Hunk." Pidge spoke up, not moving from the other's arms. The hug was just so nice.  
  
"What? You dad let you move in with a guy even though you're a gay **™??** "  
  
 Pidge couldn't help but chuckle, Lance following in suit as the three of them moved to order.  
  
"My dad was fine with it, a family friend and all that. It was Matt's idea though.. I was just going to, uh. not go to college this yeah but he  
somehow talked me into staying with our friend."

"Pidge's roommates' super hot too."  
  
Hunk looked between the two of them, and then ordered for everyone before giving names and walking them over to a table. "How hot is super hot."  
Lance pulled out a picture of Shiro- post workout.  
  
"What the fuck, how come you have that and **I** don't, **I'm** his roommate."  
  
"Do you want me to send it to you?" Pidge nodded softly as he snuggled into a booth next to Hunk, only to get slammed in the side by lance swooshing in. He zoomed in on Shiro's chest, pecs practically bursting through the sweat clung tank top.  
  
"Oh. Thats dangerously hot."  
  
"Yeah." Lance and Pidge said softly in unison, sighing after. Pidge snapped back fast though.  
  
"Lance is doing my roommate's brother."  
  
"P id ge." Lance squeaked out, a little more embarassed than he would have liked to admit.  
  
"Whoa, I'm the only one here not involved with a guy. Lance I thought you were normally a ladies man?"  
  
"Well, Keith's just.. really pretty."  
  
"Oh, it's Keith? Yeah okay. You were super pissed at him when he dropped out so it only really makes sense. Good job man- how long have you two been dating?"  
  
Lance sort of grew quiet, a cold shiver running over him. "We're not. He's avoiding me now too."  
Both Hunk and Pidge scrunched their faces up.  
  
"That's super shitty." Pidge muttered, moving to rest his head on the table, only perking up when coffee was brought out to them.  
Lance politely thanked their waiter and waited for them to leave before continuing on the conversation.  
  
"At least he didn't kiss me thinking I was someone else."  
  
"Shut the fuck." Pidge snapped back, snatching up his coffee only to stick his face into the whip cream on top.  
  
"Wait. Wait. Wait. Who kissed pidge?"  
  
"No one, I don't want to tal-"  
  
"His roommate, Shiro." Lance cut in, jolting a bit when Pidge kicked him in the shin.  
  
"So, these brothers have a habit of being tools?"  
  
"No- It was my fault. I tried to wake him up- it's not like he did it to hurt me... I just-"  
  
"You just really like him, and he doesn't show any interest in you." Hunk finished Pidge's sentence for them, wrapping an around their shoulder.  
"You gotta stop going after emotionally unavailable people, you don't want a repeat of your senior year."  
  
"It's the same guy." lance snuck in.  
  
"Whoa, really? Why do both of you guys do this? Latch on to one person- whats this family got that i'm missing out on. If two of the best people I know will dedicate their lives to them, they must be something special." Hunk nodded his head, "Yeah, I want to meet them. You guys should text them- or Pidge you text Shiro and have him drag his Bro along."  
  
"Are you serious?" Lance made an- almost disgusted face.  
  
"Hunk, you're joking right?" Pidge asked, his voice laced with disappointment as he wiped his face clean of whip cream.  
  
"Yeah, no- I'm serious. I want to meet the guys that are causing MY GUYS so much distress. Right now I don't know anything about Shiro, and Keith- well. I haven't seen Keith since what- junior year? He never talked to me either so I'm more than ready to actually meet him."  
  
Pidge and Lance exchanged a look before they both sighed. Pidge pulled out his phone and called Shiro. everyone got quiet as the phone rang, both hunk and lance leaning in a bit to listen. Finally Shiro picked up,  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"I-... What? what do you mean am I okay?"  
  
It was pretty fucking sad that Shiro started his conversation's with him by saying 'Are you okay.'  
  
"Oh- sorry. You just weren't home, so when I got a call from you I assumed you weren't.. "  
  
".. No. I'm fine. I was wondering if you could come meet me though. A friend of ours wanted to meet you, he wants you to bring your brother too- Well I mean I do too, You never told me you had one."  
  
"Oh! ...oh."  
  
It was quiet for a minute, only the sound of the older breathing.  
  
"Shiro?"  
  
"Huh? Oh. Sorry. Yeah. I'll bring him. Text me the address." Takashi hung up right after, which was.. weird. The whole conversation was weird. Why did his roommate get short with him when he mentioned their brother?  
 Pidge shook his head and texted them the address before leaning into Hunks arm.  
  
"I hope you're happy."


	8. Coffee makes for a good coming out story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 Takashi Shirogane had woken up in an empty apartment a few hours ago. Not knowing where Pidge was really freaked him out, but he trusted their judgement. He wasn't sure if they were at a lecture or hanging out with a friend- did they have friends? Part of him really hoped they did- especially after yesterday.. he couldn't even imagine how that whole situation must have felt. Takashi had moved to take a shower, only to be interrupted by a phone call. It was pidge.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
   
 He said instinctively as he picked up- feeling a little bad for cooing over them so much. The conversation that followed was- uncomfortable to say the least. God how could have forgotten to tell Pidge about his brother- or.. more importantly that Keith was his brother.  
  
 After getting the address Shiro ran some baby powder through his forelock and quickly got ready- having plans suddenly come up meant no time to shower.  
He knew that if he texted Keith they wouldn't respond- that's just how his brother was- so instead he tapped his shoes on and headed over to Keith's door. knocking with his prosthetic arm.  
  
 "Coming." Came a groggy voice from the other side of the door. When the shorter Shirogane brother opened the door they scrunched their face up and quietly moved to close it once more- only to have Takashi stick his hand in the way and stop it.  
  
"Keith- come on. You can't just close your door on me."  
  
"I can- I will- I am."  
  
"Come on- Pidge wants to meet you."  
  
"Is that your girlfriend?"  
Shiro chuckled a bit- taken back by the very blunt question.  
  
"I- What? No. He's my roommate."  
  
"...You're rooming with a guy? you never room with guys."  
  
"Yeah. It's my friend's brother and my best friend too- I really don't mind."  
Keith rolled his eyes at his brother's remark, "Why does your roommate want to meet me?"  
  
"I- uh.. Sort of forgot to tell him about you. You were always with dad, growing up so- They never really saw you." Takashi's heart broke a bit when he noticed Keith visibly tense at the mention of their father. "Sorry- I.."  
  
"No. It's okay."  
  
"Are you sure, Keith?"  
  
"Yeah- it's okay. I'm I just meeting them at your apartment or do I need to get dressed."  
  
"Get dressed. We're meeting him at a coffee shop."  
  
"Oh- okay." keith moved away from his door, then came out second or two later- locking up behind himself.  
  
"Did you just put a jacket on over your house clothes?"  
  
"Yeah- so?"  
He sighed after a soft moment, "Who's car are we taking?"  
  
"Yours, I don't know downtown like you do."  
  
 Keith headed down to shiro's car, which was still parked next to his own. Shiro shrugged it off and unlocked his car slipping in before heading off to the cafe in downtown, getting stopped in traffic a few times. He made sure to text pidge when they pulled up, so that he could get a general idea of where they were inside, then got out and headed inside- keith behind him as he entered. Just as soon as Keith realized who all was there he tried to turn and leave, only to get a firm hand on his shoulder from his older brother.  
"Takashi- You said it was going to be your roommate.."   
  
"I didn't know other people were going to be here, if i did i would have told you."   
  
Keith let out a sigh before they walked up to the table where everyone else was.  
  
"Hey Shiro, this is Hunk and Lance. I went to highschool with them and Hunk wanted to meet you."  
  
 Shiro bowed his head and said hello before introducing Keith in a similar manner. Once introduction were out of the way Keith shuffled off to get coffee and Pidge squeezed his way out of the friend sandwhich, moving to sit next to shiro while he still could. "um.. Shiro, about this morning.. I-" the smallest male began to mumble before getting told to scoot over by the brooding angry Shirogane brother, only making it so he had to be pressed closer to Shiro. Fuck.  
  
"Yes Pidge? What happened this morning?"  
  
 In a weird mixture of being this close to the tallest male, and recalling the events of this morning, Pidge's face turned a couple different shades of red as he flustered up. It sort of looked like a bird ruffling it's feathers in all honesty. Shiro couldn't help but chuckle a bit, assuming they were just uncomfortable being this close to someone they'd never met.   
Pidge quickly looked away, committing that smooth chuckle to memory. "N-Nothing. We can talk about it later." Pidge quickly looked up at Lance who seemed to be avoiding looking at Keith just as much as Keith was avoiding looking at him.  
  
"Are.. You two okay?" Shiro cut in when he noticed it as well.   
  
"Yeah. Fine. Dandy even."   
  
 Keith voice was cold and steely as he spoke, only breaking when the same waiter from earlier came out with his and Shiro's drinks. Shiro reached his prosthetic out and grabbed a blended drink marked 'Shirogane.' but the name was misspelt, **'sherohgonea'** so naturally he looked at the other cup **'cogonea.'** Keith had a bad habit of just saying things slower when someone or something didn't understand, hence why they names were spelt more phonetically than correctly.    
  
"At least I don't avoid people i sleep with like the plague." Lance snapped back, slamming his hands down on the table.  
 The poor waiter scurried off quickly after that, and Shiro- who was mid sip, choked on his coffee.  
Pidge had brought a napkin up to the older male's face, helping them clean up, apologizing for lance's behavior and the conversation that was about to happen. Hunk on the other hand couldn't do much more than quirk his brow and nibble on a puff pastry. This was certainly going to be an interesting conversation.  
  
"At least I don't whore around like some sort of-"  
  
"Man whore?"  
  
"Yes, Exactly. _Lance_."  
  
"Fuck you Keith. You're the one that started it. If anyone's the man whore it's you, mr. 'i'm not a faggot' Kogane."  
Shiro was.. clearly uncomfortable at this point and stepped in to make them both shut up, they were making a scene and if things continued like this they would get the group kicked out.  
  
"Lance. I don't know what happened between you and Keith but this sort of discussion is inappropriate for a public space. I'd like to personally inform you that the way Keith and I were raised homosexuallity wasn't something that was okay or natural. If you care about him in any way, shape, or form you'll respect that and work with him on it.." he sighed and turned to his brother, eyes snapping to them with bits of rage masked by concern, "And Keith. If you keep acting the way you are, in self destructive ways you are going to die cold and alone with nothing but the vast void of space knowing your secrets. Get a life, stop ruining the one you have."  
  
The group grew... quiet. All of them could agree what Shiro had said was.. a little too far. It must have been a conversation the brothers had already had- several times over by the looks of it.  keith stood up and walked out- leaning against Shiro car as he lit up a cigarette. Not too long after Lance walked out after them.   
  
"Shiro..." Pidge spoke up, "That was.. kind of-"  
  
"Rude." Hunk finished off when pidge was too afraid to say much more.  
  
"Why did you treat your brother like that? Aren't you two close?"  
  
"We are. Believe me, we are. No one else will tell him it, or they'll skirt around it like it's a sensitive subject, which it is but" He sighed and leaned back, "You can't just skirt around thinks with Keith. That's not the way his head works. I know that better than anyone...besides, it  
worked didn't it?"  
  
"What worked?" Hunk asked, sightly confused. Pidge quirking his brows.  
  
"Look, they're talking. Not yelling, not fighting, just.. talking. Keith looks more comfortable than he has in a long time."  
  
Shiro smiled a bit as he directed his attention over to the door, the two were in view from where the group was sitting. Shiro, Hunk and Pidge watched for a minute- looking away when Lance leaned in and kissed Keith. Today really wasn't that bad was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H appy birth da y  
> I ts the LONG awaited chapter 8 that i finally forced myself to write! ! !!!  
> t ime 2 write 9 and then ACTUALLY give you 5 updates in a row of pure bullshit 
> 
> also like none of these are going 2 be thoroughly edited bc works literally killing me and my editor just g ot hired at the same place as me holy shit were both so fuck omg


	9. Holiday visit

  
 After what seemed like forever Winter break was finally here! However not having a car meant that Pidge couldn't go home and visit like Shiro had. He didn't really mind though- it was nice to have the apartment to himself. He could eat fake asian every night- like those take home meals from the store that were probably super bad for you and full of sodium.  
it was about two days into the week long break and pidge had already eaten through most of this month's food money- ah, for a smart kid he didn't budget very well.  
 He texted his brother to see if they would talk to their dad about putting more money in his account- to which he got a text back shortly after _**[** ** _|_ Matt: That's not going to be a problem.|] **_  
 At first Pidge just thought they meant that they'd ask- that is until he hear a knock at the door. He didn't remember ordering anything so he was a little concerned at first. Nevertheless pidge headed to the door and opened it, surprised to see Matt standing there.  
  
"Oh my god!! Matt! what are you doing here? it's so bad outside, and that's such a long drive!"  
  
"Nice to see you too, dork. It's not that bad outside, really. I didn't see shiro's car. Are you home alone?"  
  
"Mmm. Yeah. Shiro went out to see his mom, he's supposed to be back tomorrow. Oh- speaking of, where's dad?"  
  
"Ah- okay. Dad's back at the hotel, he wants us to go out for dinner tonight. He figured since you couldn't see us for break we ought to come see you."  
  
"Aww, I'm flattered. Oh you should come in, I can show you around."  
 Pidge stepped aside and let Matt come in and take off his shoes, opting out of the green or black cat house slippers and just walking the house in his socks.  
  
"Where's your room?"  
  
"You jump right to the point as usually don't you?" Pidge chuckled as he walked back to his room, flicking on the lights so that Matt could see his setup. He noticed that his brother's eyes quickly darted to the corner of the room, where Pidge's H-frame easel was still set up- the paint drying on his art project.  
  
"Whoa.. Pidge did you do that?"  
  
"A-Ah. Yeah." The shorter Holt boy was quiet bashful, he'd honestly forgotten about the painting he'd left to dry.  
  
 Matt approached the stretched canvas that was home to a fairly good sized oil painting of Shiro. It was made up of soft blues and purples with warm pinks and flesh tones for the focal point- for Shiro. It depicted the older male with their eyes shut a soft smile on played on their lips. Every stoke had a purpose and was placed with the utmost care. Matt's eyes had began to prick up with tears at the sight of it.  
  
 "A-Are you okay, bro?" Pidge asked with a shaky voice, it wasn't often he saw his brother like this.  
Matt quickly snapped out of his trance like state, "I- What? Yeah. No. I'm just amazed you can paint like this, it feels like I'm actually looking at him ya know?"  
 Pidge sighed, smiling. "That's good to hear! I hope I get good marks on this assignment." He snickered a bit.  
  
 "You better. This is seriously good, so do you have other stuff you're working on? I'll be honest I forgot you drew." Pidge leaned over and punched Matt in the arm softly.  
 "Of course I draw, I design most all of my robots, drawing comes naturally to me." He retorted as he grabbed a sketchbook and handed it to Matt, there were sketches of Shiro at volleyball practice, as well as other players that Matt assumed to be Shiro's teammates. Sketches of birds and robot designs, as well as several scribbled notes that Matt couldn't really read. of course he couldn't read them, you can never read a really smart person's handwriting that was like a matter of fact constant in the universe.   
   
 "You draw Shiro a lot. When did you go watch him practice." Matt asked, a little bluntly but Pidge could tell that there was no venom or malese behind it.  
 "Well.. the buses were down- bad weather or something? So Ta- uh, Shiro, said he'd give me a ride after he finished practice and that it would be okay if I sat on the sidelines until he finished. It was really cool because one of the teammates served the ball wrong, or I assume it was wrong- I really don't know a lot about volleyball- anyways it came flying at me and all I could do was tense up but Shiro came in and-" He made the receiving motion, his forearms pressed together and thumbs facing up- yet flat. "He managed to save the play and my face. Can you even Imagine how bad that would have hurt? They served it super hard and the glasses combo would have broken my face."  
  
 Matt couldn't help but laugh, a warm smile on his face as they let the scenario play out in his head.  
  
 "I bet Shiro looked really cool, huh?"  
There was something about the way Matt said that, about the way Matt spoke about Shiro that made Pidge's heart. _.hurt._  
  
 What if they both had a crush on Shiro? Who would the older male pick? They both looked so much alike but- but Matt was..  
  
 The next few minutes happened so quickly, Matt shook his shoulder to snap him back into reality then both of them were taken aback by the front door opening and a very disheveled Shiro kicking off his shoes and tossing his keys to the basket before walking to the balcony.  
  
 In hushed voices the brothers turned to each other.  
_"Didn't you say he'd be gone until tomorrow?"_  
_"He was supposed to be?? Maybe something's wrong? I thought he would have texted me if he was coming back early."_  
Matt set down the sketchbook and made his way out of the room, still softly speaking to Pidge, "I'm going to check on him. You stay here- we don't want to overwhelm him."  
  
 Before Pidge could object and demand to go to his brother was already gone."..Oh. _Okay_.." Was all he could really get out before he sat down on his bed, his heart got that familiar twinge of pain.. heartbreak maybe?  
 Maybe he realized he'd already lost.  
Maybe he realized he could never win.  
  
Pidge looked over at the painting that was drying then threw himself backwards and curled up in his bed.  
   
 He wished he could read Shiro better, seeing as he never could quite figure the older male out. _"..hey"_ He heard softly and peeked up, only to realize his window was open still and he could hear them out on the balcony. He could have sworn he could smell faint hints of menthol and tobacco.. but left it at that, closing the window.  
  
 Out on the balcony Matt pressed his hand to the lower part of shiro's back, pressing up against them.  
  
 "What's wrong? Pidge said you wouldn't be back until tomorrow." The older male tensed a bit, letting out a huff of smoke.  
   
"Jesus Matt, you scared me. Are you here to see Pidge?"  
  
 "Yeah, but right now you're more important." The older holt boy gave a soft, almost sad, smile as he looked up at Takashi. Shiro let out a soft sigh, the air getting colder- almost frigid at this point- he snuggled up closer to Matt and rested his head on top of the other's.  
  
"I-.. uh. Had a long conversation with my mom. Turns out my brother's.. around here."  
  
"..Wait I'm confused? Keith lives next to you, you knew that."  
  
"Ah- no. My biological brother- my twin. He's alive."  
  
"...oh. _Oh_."  
  
 "I- honestly thought he'd died last time I saw him." The older male gripped his right arm, a pained and disgusted look washing over him, "I wish he had."  
  
"...Shiro." Matt tried to interject before the taller male shook his head and sighed.  
  
"So, Matt. What have you and Pidge been up to."  
  
" **Shiro**."  
  
"Please, I don't want to talk about it right now. Can we just talk about you and Pidge. I like both of you guys."  
  
 "Fine... We haven't really done much of anything, I just got into town. Pidge showed me around and told me all of the annoying things you do." He tried to lighten to mood to an extent. It must of worked because Shiro chuckled a bit as he responded, "Hey now."  
  
 "Oh yeah, like how you don't let him eat junk food, and you always make dinner but never ask what he wants. Seriously, you need to stop spoiling him, Takashi. You left him alone for.. however long and he's already nearly run out of money because he's been eating snacks since you left."  
  
" _ **...Pidge**_." He let out in a distressed tone. "He really needs to eat better."  
  
"You're telling me! my brother doesn't know how to cook to save his life. You need to stop babying him though, I think he's getting the wrong idea."  
  
"The..wrong idea?"  
  
"Mmmhm. He almost called you Takashi earlier."  
Shiro felt his cheeks flush red as he looked away.  
  
"You haven't done anything to make him think you like him right?"  
  
"No. No. I promise. I mean- well.. there's been slip ups here and there, but I never did anything on purpose. I would never."

"Good, I don't want to be jealous of my own brother."  
  
"Just because he almost called me Takashi doesn't mean anything though, you know that right?"  
  
"Okay, sure but- the way he looks at you."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"I- you just need to see his drawings to understand."  
  
"His.. drawings?"  
  
 "Yeah, come on." Matt pulled away from the warm hug and headed inside knocking on Pidge's door. There was a good minute or so before Pidge actually opened it- they somehow looked... more tired than before- as if they'd been crying.  
  
 "Oh.." The youngest holt looked between Matt and Shiro, both of them smelling like cigarette smoke. but.. that happens right? Matt was just out there talking to him right? Second hand smoke and all that.  
  
"Are you alright Shiro?" Pidge asked as he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his green and white sweater.  
  
"Yeah. Thanks for asking Pidge." He gave them a soft  smile and patted their head, it was- so brotherly.. yet so warm and genuine.  
  
 "Hey, Pidge. You should show Shiro the painting. I bet he'd think it was really cool." Matt said in an almost teasing voice.  
Pidge's face turned beet red in under a minute as he grabbed Matt and pulled him into the room, slamming the door shut as he spoke. muted screams broke softly from behind the door. "You told him about those?"  
  
"Yeah why not?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe because it's creepy to draw your roommate and even creepier to paint them for hours at a time?"  
  
"Oh come on Pidge, he'll love them. You worked so hard on it. You ought to show him. besides, it's so good you teacher was probably going to hang it anyways."  
  
"I-" Matt had a point, he sighed and opened the door, letting shiro in. "Sorry, Shiro."  
  
"It's alright! Really, don't worry about it." He said with a nervous chuckle before walking into the room. It seemed a lot smaller with three people in it. His eyes slowly scanned over the painting in the corner, his breath catching a bit as he looked it over.  
  
"I- Wow. Pidge it's."  
 Even though he knew Shiro was going to say something good about it he couldn't help but tense up and brace himself for the worst. Shiro just walked over and pulled him into a hug, holding him close. He could feel Shiro's chest rising and falling with each breath, and could hear his heart beat. in a flash every moment that the two had shared- every questionable moment- rushed back to him. Shiro had seen him naked, had kissed him and now was holding him- left speechless by some pigmented oil plastered on a canvas. Pidge wanted to pull away at the return of those- embarrassing moments. He wanted to run and hide but- well they were in his room- it's not like he could go anywhere.  
  
"...glad you like it." Pidge let out in a hushed voice.  
  
"I love it, Pidge. You're so talented."  
  
"I bet it helps when you have a good subject and model." Matt cut in moving over to rest his hand on Pidge's shoulder, to which pidge just nodded and Shiro nervously chuckled.  
  
"Hey, I think i'm going to head out and get ready for dinner. Pidge do you want to invite Shiro to go with us? He can give you a ride to the restaurant or I can swing by and get you."  
  
"Oh- yeah. Shiro you should go and eat with us tonight. You're one of the only people that can keep me sane around my dad."  
 Pidge looked up at Shiro, still hugging him. It was nice to hug him, to be held by him. Takashi busted out laughing, the blunt honesty from Pidge was refreshing in comparison to prior conversations. "I'd love to. Nothing beats having dinner with the Holt's. It's always entertaining. Matt do you want to text Pidge or myself a time and place to meet?"  
  
"Yeah no problem." the older holt spoke as he pushed on his shoes and waved goodbye. "see you guys at dinner."  
  
After the door had closed, pidge flopped down on the couch letting out a groan.  
  
"That excited for this family dinner huh?"  
  
"Oh yeah, totally. Nothing like being Katie for a night." Takashi scrunched his face up at the clear displeasure in Pidge's voice.  
  
"Why don't you tell him? Dr holt always says, if you worry too much about what could go wrong--"  
  
"I'll miss the chance to do something great, I know. I just don't see how this can work out for me in any way, shape or form. It's just.. a fight I don't want to have."  
  
"But, be honest when yourself, when are you going to confront him. Are you really going to live out the rest of his life as a tom boy in his eyes?"  
  
"Don't you mean my life?"  
  
"Pidge.."  
  
 There was an awkward pause before shiro sighed and sat down next to Pidge, resting his prosthetic on their shoulder, "Your father's not going to be around forever. You should at least try and give him a chance before you deny entirely that he'll accept you. Your father loves you, not the idea of you, not the person you were born as- but the person you have yet to become. You ARE someone great but you still have so much potential."  
Pidge had grown quiet, just.. softly leaning into Shiro's touch as the spoke. He eventually full on laid against the other burying his face in their chest.  
  
"..okay."  
   
 "Okay." He could tell Pidge was starting to panic, who wouldn't at an idea like that? Takashi ran his fingers through the other's soft honey-brown hair, kissing their forehead lightly as he tried to calm them down.  
  
 Pidge quietly moved to get dressed, Shiro followed in suit, going to his own room before fixing his hair. Once they got the text telling them where to go they headed out, the rest of the night went off without too much trouble. However the whole ride home Pidge was amess, nervously shaking in the passenger seat- afraid of what his father really thought of him. It was so bad that a few time he was quite literally brought to tears. Shiro kept his hand on their back the whole time, rubbing soft circles, until they finally pulled up to the complex. He watched as Pidge headed inside, following shortly after- just watching to make sure they were okay. Pidge excused himself to go to he room, where his sat awake, trying to convince himself that things would be okay- with little to no avail. He laid restless like that for hours, until he finally got a text.  
**[|Dad: I love you, son. I always have, always will. No matter what name you go by or what you identify as, you're still my child. Sorry if I hurt you before, that was never my intention <3 |]**  
  
 After that text Pidge crawled out of bed and went over to Shiro's room knocking lightly on the wooden frame, he was lucky enough to catch Shiro before he fell asleep.  
  
"Pidge? What's wrong?"  
  
"..c-Can I sleep with you tonight."  
  
"I- Yeah, Sure. come on in."  
 The taller male stepped aside and let his roommate in, moving after to crawl in bed as well. He snuggled back into bed and Pidge curled up next to him, resting their head on his chest. They pulled out their phone and turned the brightness down, however that was enough to catch Shiro's attention, he couldn't help but look over at what they were doing. A soft smile spread across his face as he read the conversation between Pidge and his dad.  
**[|Pidge: Thanks dad. I love you too. Sleep well and drive safe tomorrow! <3|]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall are gonna be mad at me, but believe me- ik what im doing  
> the angst is what makes the end product that much better right?? I could just hand you some happy go lucky ShiroxPidge on a plate and say tada or we c ould all cry and want to punch shiro a lil bit  
> B UT BOI NOW THAT 9's DONE I SWEAR 2 UR JESUS THAT THIS SHITS GONNA GET SPICY AND SADS  
> Rating bump and some other shit added to the tags in the near future
> 
> also sorry for the lowkey Shatt it ties in later i swear, just listen alright its important or i wouldnt do it i promise c


	10. Everything's (not) okay

 It hurt, everything hurt. Like ice- a heavy weight set on his chest, consuming him whole. His eyes opened slowly looking up at the car roof that would soon be his watery grave should he choose not to act. Matt rolled his head, looking over at his father. This was wrong, this had to be wrong- some sort of nightmare or something. The pure shock caused him to let out a gasp, making him choke on the water filling the cabin- no. No. NO. He didn't want to die like this. He didn't want to die at the bottom of a lake- no one would find either of them here.  
  
 Matt struggled trying to unbuckle but the cold water limited his movement, it made his body stiff under pressure like a doll's body. There was no time to think, he had to act- and now, Matt pulled out a small pocket knife struggling to open it then sawed through the belt and went to free his father, he shook them, and tried everything to wake them up before realizing he himself had began to feel faint. This couldn't be real. This can't be real. Matt managed to cut his father free and break through the glass of the passenger side door, a heavy current sweeping in pushed everything inside around, pictures, important papers, even Matt himself was knocked back for a moment before he pushed through and out. Every second his breath was fleeting, every second he could feel himself getting closer to blacking out in this frozen hell.   
  
 He had to live, He had to survive and tell Mom and Pidge what happened. Each stroke had to count, each desperate push forward had to mean something, because in that moment-- to Matt, it meant everything. It was the thin and fragile string that connected life and death.  
  
 His head was pounding, chest heavy. The closer he got to the light breaching the surface of the lake, the darker it got. Everything else falling away aside from the body in his left arm and his right hand reaching up for the light- hoping just maybe. Maybe someone had seen something and they'd be looking for survivors.   
 As everything faded into darkness he breached the surface, gasping for air and spitting up water.   
  
 The water leaving his nasal cavity and lungs stung, it burned like the cold wind cutting across his skin. Somehow Matt managed to pulled His father on shore, with the hard surface underneath the other he began cardiopulmonary resuscitation, opening the airways before pressing down on the older's chest.   
  
"Come on dad, Come on. You can't die. You can't do this to me." Matt pleaded, shaking as he forced all his weight down, trying to get the   
other's heart starting again.  
  
"PLEASE. DAD."  
  
 It was happening again, the cold air getting to Matt as he attempted to resuscitate the older, his could feel the edges of his vision fuzz out and fade to black. Matt know he had to keep moving or he would die.   
  
 "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll get help. Please dad, Please. Don't die. You can't die on me not like this. Not now."  
   
 Each spoken word was desperate and sharp, not enough oxygen to keep up with how fast he was breathing and speaking.  
Matt pushed himself up and began walking, he remember seeing a sign for a pay phone a few miles back at a rest stop, for once he was thankful he always kept his lucky quarter on him, his first call would be to 911, if he had another quarter he'd call Pidge. The poor guy didn't deserve to hear this from anyone else.  
  
 Matt walked as quickly as he could down the highways edge, each step hurting as the cold wind cut through him and ate at his skin. He kept thinking to himself, now would probably be the only time he'd accept a ride from a stranger- funny how your morals change when you're that close to death.  
 After a mile of walking and frost forming on the upper layer of Matt's clothing, he finally made it to the rest stop. Breaking down in gross sobs once out of the wind- He'd left his dad. He'd left his dad alone in this weather- there was no chance that he'd be alive.   
   
 His cold chapped hands began to purple, skin breaking at the knuckle and letting warm fluid run over the frozen skin. blood- so much blood. From his cracked lips and joints, blood soaked through the already wet clothes.  
 Matt took out the quarter and called 911, feeling the once warm blood and tears turn cold as ice within seconds. He was going to die here, he might as well pull himself together long enough to tell them where to find his body.  
  
"Hello, 911 emergencies."  
  
"I- our car flipped, I'm at a rest stop southbound on I-24. Please- Please I need you to hurry, I walked here and my Dad's still back there."  
  
"we've got your location, someone's on their way. Can you tell me where 'back there' is."   
  
"The lake- hurry, he's going to freeze out there."   
  
"Alright- we have two teams coming your way, stay where you are and if you can stay on the line-- Hello? Hello can you hear me?"  
  
 The call had cut out, ran out of time- His body hurt. Everything hurt. Matt couldn't even pull out another quarter if he had one, his body grew stiff and his attention fuzzy, one minute he was curled up on the ground- about to pass out and the next he was in someone's arms. Warm and safe. upon the contact of warmth his world once again faded to black- his body no longer able to withstand the drastic temperature change.   
  
 He woke up to the sound of soft beeps, footsteps echoing and whispers, once more his eyes slowly fluttered open to the sight of three people. His mother, his brother and Shiro.  
  
"Oh my god, Matt. How do you feel? are you okay?" Pidge managed to squeak out, worried- obviously, but brevity was never their strong point.  
  
"I-...I'm alive? where am I?" Okay, dumb question, he knew where he was. Well more or less. Upon recalling the memories he shot up quickly, more panicked than before. "Where's dad?"  
  
 The room went silent, his mother reaching a hand out to calm him down, Pidge standing and walking to the far corner. They couldn't stand to see their brother like this, it hurt. It hurt knowing that their dad was gone, It hurt knowing what lengths Matt went to in order to try and save him, it hurt knowing Matt was going to blame himself for this.  
"The Paramedics said that you preformed perfect CPR, you should be proud of that."   
  
"...Mom please. Is he okay?"  
  
"I'm sorry sweetheart, He died on impact. You made the right choice moving to call 911. Now you should get some rest. Shiro, watch over them for awhile would you."  
  
 Matt's face ran cold at the sudden information, he'd be struggling with a corpse the whole time. Before Matt could say anything else,  Mrs. Holt excused herself- it was just as hard on her to have lost her husband and then have to be the one to explain it to her son who also nearly died. It would have been overwhelming for anyone.  
  
"No problem, Mrs.Holt. Would you like for me to call you a ride home?"  
  
"Yes. Please. I need.. sometime to myself. I trust you know best."  
  
"Of course. Take care. oh, and make sure to stay in the lobby until your ride shows up, it's windy tonight."  
  
"Thank you Takashi."  
  
After she left Shiro pulled his phone from his pocket and called a ride for her, then moved to hold Matt's hand, sighing heavily as he did so.   
  
"Matt.."  
 the other couldn't say anything, they had almost gone mute from shock.   
  
"It's okay to be messed up about this- It's okay to be in shock. Bad things happen, scary things happen but they're what makes us stronger."   
 In all honesty he wished that those were just cheesy words to make the other feel better, he wished that he wasn't talking from experience.   
   
 Shortly after calming the other down, Shiro let Matt fall asleep. They needed it. He didn't leave their side, incase they should wake up and need something. God knows he wished someone was there for him like this when he needed it.   
 Hopefully this would be the start of a new chapter in their life. This could be major personal growth, and one of the last bad things to happen for awhile. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapter updates might be a day apart or two days apart idk yet. I need to type up more chapters 4 all of u cuties uwu


	11. Hostile Environment

  
 Matt was in the hospital, His father was dead and everyone conveniently forgot that he was even there to help support his brother. Pidge felt.. gross, Disgusting even. Every single part of him was mad that he was a secondary thought, that he didn't matter to anyone- not even their mom had stayed. Not even their mom cared about how he felt. it was his dad too, damnit, but here he was- not even a secondary thought to anyone left in the room.   
 After awhile of the stupid pained look on Shiro's face as he cooed over Matt, Pidge headed out of the room. Half assing something about getting a soda before quickly walking down the empty halls.   
Night had fallen quite some time ago, leaving the few windows that looked out over the city nearly solid black, sans a few lights from below. They were pretty high up, yet there was still more building above them.   
   
Pidge's footsteps echoed as he made his way to vending machine, the halls overbearingly lit with harsh florescent lights that made focusing hard. Soon the footsteps had doubled, causing Pidge to stop and look around. Up by the vending machine he thought he saw- Shiro? He was genuinely surprised to see that the other managed to detach themself from Matt's side. Pidge walked a bit faster up to them, only to stop abruptly when he got closer. That- That wasn't shiro.   
  
 The man in question turned slowly, yellow eyes with small black pupils meeting Pidge's golden brow eyes.  
They wore a surgical mask over their mouth, muffling their speech, "what's the matter kid, you look like you've seen a ghost."   
  He said with a deep, scratchy voice.  
 It was so unnatural and seriously fucked with Pidge's head, like a surreal dream- or perhaps nightmare was the better word.   
  
Pidge slowly backed up before turning and darting down the hall back to Matt's room.   
  
"Shiro! Holy shit! I just saw--"   
  
 "Shh. You're going to wake him up, Pidge. He really needs to get his rest. He's been through a lot."  
Something about that really struck a chord with Pidge, pissing him off even more. 'He's been through a lot?' all he has to do is sleep through the stress right now- not lay awake and wonder if his brothers going to slip into a coma and die. He scrunched his brows and turned his head away.  
  
"What did you see?"  
  
"I- No. It's nothing."  
  
"Pidge.."  
  
 "Seriously. Nothing. I just got a little spooked is all- I'm sure it's just my mind playing tricks on me, considering I just lost my Father and nearly my brother too."  
 Nice and subtle, the Pidge way. He turned and walked out of the room before Shiro could even respond. That was going to make for an awkward conversation later, but if the other really cared then they would come after him, right?  
  Pidge decided to make his way back to the vending machine, maybe that "Not shiro" would still be there, or maybe he'd be able to prove that it was just his mind playing tricks on him.  
   
 As he walked down the halls Pidge couldn't help but peek into people's rooms, just briefly through the window as he was walking. It was interesting to see what he could piece together with little to no information. What story each room showed. He was wondering if anyone else did this, if they did.. what story did his brother's room tell? Two young lovers, bound together no matter the suffering they went through.... Pidge shook his head.   
 No.  
 Nope.  
 No way.  
  
 That was gross and totally unrealistic.   
   
 Once he finally made it to the vending machine he was a little surprised to see the man still there, sitting against the wall, his surgical mask pulled down now as he drank some soft drink Pidge had never heard of.  
  
"So you're back, did you have to go get some money from your dad?"  
  
Pidge bit his lip and looked away, uncomfortable with the situation. One, a stranger was harassing him. Two, Dad mention. It was far too early for that.  
  
"He's dead." Pidge whispered as he crouched down to look at the bottom row drinks- ah there was that weird drink the stranger was drinking.   
  
"Hmm? Then what about your mom."  
  
"I'm here with company, don't get any wise ideas mister." Pidge's response elicited a chuckle from the older man, "So, who's this company? A brother?"   
Pidge didn't respond.   
  
"See, I'm here for my brother too. He left me for dead a long time ago but when I heard from some friends that they'd seen him in the area I couldn't help myself. Family reunions are always pretty touching aren't they?"  
 After opting out of the weird soda, and only sort of half listening to the stranger speak, pidge bought a coke and began to leave only to be stopped by a firm cold hand on his upper arm.   
  
 "Ya know, kid. You're being pretty disrespectful. Do you even know who I am?"   
  
Pidge stood there, shaking a bit- how did that man get up so fast? Pidge should have had a few second advantage on them easily, enough time to barely make it out but still.. so how did he get up and grab him?   
  
"I- I'm sorry. I'm not from around here."  
  
 The cold hand gripped his arm tightly before letting him go.  
  
 "Well then.. I guess I can't hold too much against you. Run along now." There was something _off_ about their voice, Pidge couldn't quite pin it at first. It was like- like the didn't really mean it and he really shouldn't trust them- but at the time he was scared shitless and just wanted to leave.  
  
 Within moments of the other finishing Pidge scrambled, never once stopping or hardly even breathing before he got back into the room, his breath jagged and hands sweaty- a bruise had already began to form on his arm.   
 He turned and locked the door, sliding down onto the floor shortly after. The loud noise must have caught Shiro's attention because for once he pried himself away from Matt's side and actually headed over to check on Pidge, getting progressively more worried the longer he looked at them.  
  
"What happened? are you okay?" He crouched down next to Pidge and brushed their hair out of their face, his eye drifting down to their upper arm "Your arm is bruised.."  
  
"I- Holy shit. _Shiro. There was this creep by the vending machine that kept trying to talk to me, something about his brother it think? But when I started to walk away he grabbed my arm- I thought he was going to beat the shit out of me_."    
  
On those words alone Shiro's face grew more serious, The taller male stood before Pidge could even catch his breath. "Stay here."   
Pidge quickly reached up, grabbing a hold of Shiro's hand.   
  
"No, Shiro you don't understand-- he... He looked like you- but not."  
His roommate stiffened up before looking back at pidge, "What did he look like, Pidge. What do you mean 'like me, but not?"  
  
"I mean- they were the same build and same hair cut, they even had white in the front but-- their eyes. they had Yellow sclera lenses in and a surgical mask on. I think they might have been involved with some sort of gang too, they kept on talking about their 'friends' and then asked me if i even knew who he was. Shiro I really don't think you should get involved-- they let me go let's just be happy about that. okay?"   
The other was still stiff, uneasy and after a few minutes he finally spoke up. "Yeah. Okay. You- you should try and get some sleep. I'm going to unlock the door just so the doctors don't freak out- but i'll keep watch. Don't worry okay?"  
  
PIdge nodded and stood up, making his way over to the sofa before curling up on it. Talk about a rough night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a fortune cookie yesterday that said "there's always a blessing after the storm." Or something along those lines. Haha. You guys probably deserve a break, but things literaly only get worse. No one else is going to die-.......  
> Probably.  
>  Not in these next three chapters at least! You're certainly going to wish they did though! haha.*
> 
>  
> 
> ((*all this laughing means i'm in pain. Send help. Why did I write this.))


	12. Not enough

 Pidge woke up in the middle of the night to soft whispers, shared whispers.  
_'Matt must have woken up at some point and shiro was keeping him company'_   Pidge thought to himself as he tried to go back to sleep, shifting slightly.  
  
"See? you need to be more quiet Shiro. I told you he was going to wake up."  
  
"He's not fully awake, trust me. He'll roll over and fall back asleep, that's how he gets when he's restless."  
  
"Shh, speak softer."  
  
"sorry. sorry."  
  
 At this point pidge couldn't sleep, but felt too awkward to sit up and interrupt them, so he did the next logical thing and rolled over to face away from them. perfect eavesdropping mode.  
   
 "...see? he's probably already back asleep."  
 The older male sighed and adjusted his sitting position, one leg crossed over his lap as he spoke, "I feel really bad, I know I should be giving him more attention- I mean you both just lost your father and he's clearly upset about nearly losing you too.. I just. I'm upset too. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't make it out of that wreck."  
  
 "Shiro... I know- it's scary, but you're going to have to go back to your apartment tomorrow. It's a few hours away right? You should make sure you actually talk to him about this, it's not like you to run away from problems."  
  
 "I know. I just. I haven't told him yet."  
  
 Matt let out a sharp hissed whisper, "You what?-- Shiro. If I had the strength to hit you-so help me god."  
  
 "I just- I didn't know how to tell him that I was one, gay and two, dating his brother. can you blame me? that's an awkward conversation to have with someone- especially since I see them as family."  
  
 ".. you don't see me as family right? that would be weird."  
  
 "Shut up Matt, you know what I mean. It's just.. growing up, when I actually realized I was attracted to the same sex Pidge was still a--"  
 At that point pidge sat up, looked both his brother and Shiro in the eyes with the most cold, dead look and stood up.  
 He grabbed his bear wallet off the table and walked out of the room- not wanting to yell at either of them, not wanting to break down in tears either.  
  
"You fucked up." Matt hissed. " _'oh, he's a sleep. I promise._ ' " The injured Holt boy mocked, deepening his voice to pretend to be shiro.  
  
Shiro stayed quiet, looking down... thinking.  
"I think I should give him some space, I- I don't know how long he was awake and I said some pretty stupid shit."  
  
"Shiro."  
  
"Please, Matt. He probably doesn't want to talk to me anyways."  
   
 Outside of the hospital room Pidge had pressed himself against the door, just away from the window. He'd listened to his brother's conversation with Shiro both before and just now. After realizing and getting confirmation that Shiro wasn't going to come after him he pushed off  the door heading quietly down the hall.  
  
 He absent mindedly wandered over to the vending machines, at the very least there were couches and chairs that he could curl up in over there. Once there pidge curled up and laced his fingers in his hair.  
  
"Stupid jerk. Stupid jerk. STUPID JERK." He repeated, tugging at the roots of his hair, hands balled up in fists as he bounced his leg.  
  
 "I can't believe I thought I had a chance. I can't believe I thought he'd ever like me. OF COURSE HE WOULDN'T. No. No of course not. Why would he like me when I don't even like me. I HATE me, he probably hates me too. I'm like a sibling to him? FUCK HIM."  
 Pidge got up, his body too restless to stay put. After pacing back and forth for a bit he headed over to the vending machine, put in some coins and crouched down, punching the button of that weird drink. _'pocari sweat.'_ He opened the can and took a sip, getting hit with a taste of grapefruit. gross. It would have to do though.  
  
 What Pidge did next was probably the stupidest thing he'd ever done, he decided to walk to the near by gas station, alone, at night, unarmed. Something a 5'1 skinny college boy should never do in a strange town- not without telling someone or taking his phone.   
 He needed something, candy, chips, SOMETHING. His brain was running a million miles per hour and the whole walk there, through dark poorly lit streets, all he could think about was how mad he was.  
  
How he wasn't good enough.  
  
 What was wrong with him?  
  
Select words kept playing back in his head, specifically that last sentence.  
_"Same sex" "Pidge was still a--"_  
" **a girl**." Pidge had filled in the rest and said it out loud, slamming a balled fist into the side of his head before letting out an angry scream.  
  
 "STUPID JERK." He shouted once more before walking into the gas station and slamming down his ID, getting a pack of cigarettes, a green lighter with paw prints on it and a pack of mint gum. He walked out with his things almost as fast as he'd walked in, only to sit down on the curb outside and pull his knees up to his chest- putting the cigarette in his mouth. He fought with the wind for a good two or three minutes before a hand came up and blocked the wind.  
  
" Hey kid" came a familiar voice, almost right in his ear, "Mind if I bum a cig?"  
  
 Pidge looked up at the other, his now lit cigarette glowing a soft cherry red under the almost green tinted iridescent lights of the gas station. Pidge lifted the pack up and let the older man take one. He watched as they placed it in their mouth, then leaned in and lit it on his own cigarette.  
  
 "So, you're at least 18. I guess I should stop callin' you kid. Sorry 'bout earlier- I see I bruised ya pretty bad."  
Pidge sort of looked down at his arm, then back up.  
   
 "You really don't talk much, huh? How's 'bout this, I ask a question. You're obviously okay with me being here if you gave me a smoke- either that or you're scared shitless." The man chuckled and, for fucks sake it sounded just like Shiro's laugh. Pidge... couldn't help but relax a bit.  
  
"So, what has you so pissed? who's this 'stupid jerk' I heard ya yelling down the street, wanted to make sure no one was making trouble."  
  
".. A guy I like- liked? Still like? I don't know. It's long and complicated."  
  
at this point Pidge was just holding his cigarette, not even attempting to smoke it. sometimes he just got an urge to have one- despite never really smoking before. he picked up his can of Pocari sweat and sipped it, tilting his head to look at the sky as he set the can back down.  
  
"Ah, Pocari sweat." Kuro said as he picked up the can, "Good choice."  
  
 Between the time it took for him to set the can down and for pidge to actually look back over at him, Kuro had slipped something into the drink.  
 He then stretched out and looked over at Pidge.  
"I don't really like it, but I wanted to try it, considering i'd never seen it before." Pidge remarked. "I guess i'm just really torn up about this, I needed something to take my mind off things."  
  
"Sounds like it. What's he look like? this stupid jerk of your's."  
  
Pidge should have realized that this was a bad situation to be in, talking to a stranger that assaulted him prior to this, but he was so upset-  
so pissed off at Shiro, but mostly at himself, that nothing seemed to be phasing him.  
  
"Like you."  
  
The older male laughed, that same- perfect laugh, "You're shittin me right? Now's not the time for a bad pick up line."  
  
"No- I mean. He literally looks like you."  
  
" 'S'name Shirogane?"  
  
Pidge nodded,  flicking the cigarette onto the ground and stepping on it to snuff it out.  
  
"And how did my idiot brother hurt you?"  
  
"By dating my brother."  
  
"..Oh."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"He's sort of oblivious. You're also not reacting to the Brother part."  
  
"Well of course Shiro's your brother, It's not like you're his evil clone or something."  
  
"...good point." Kuro leaned back, taking a long drag of his cigarette before breathing the smoke back out, it swirled and danced in the cold night air making the other look like a dragon. A dragon at peace, perhaps.  
  
"Say kid. He hurt you right? What if I could give you what he never could? I'd let you do anythin' you wanted- for a small price of course."  
  
 Pidge's heart skipped a beat. Was he.. actually going to hook up with his crushes twin? He picked up the can and took a drink, trying to calm down.  
  
"I- I don't even know your name."  
  
 Kuro leaned over, puffing smoke in Pidge's face before sliding his hand up to caress their face. "Daichi Shirogane, but you can call me Kuro."  
in a moment Kuro's hand had taken Pidge's glasses setting them down beside the both of them.  
  
"What do you say? Hmm? I'm a busy man, but I can make room to get even with Shiro."  
  
 Pidge thought it over, although it was hard to think with his vision impaired, it was like a million little things happening at once and in an overwhelmed state of panic... he agreed. "Okay." Shortly after responding he started to feel... light headed.  
  
 Kuro stood up and quickly picked the other up, leaving everything that wasn't in one of their pockets behind.  
  
"..Kuro.. what are we-"  
  
"Shhh, just close your eyes. It'll be okay."  
  
Pidge followed instructions, his eyes had began to feel heavy anyways- maybe a little nap wouldn't be so bad. It didn't take long after he shut his eyes for him to fall out of consciousness- going completely limp in the other's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c  
> ;3c


	13. Game Changer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey yo- not a summary but I will put trigger warnings here  
> TW:Non-con/dub-con, Drug abuse.

  
_"I can give you what he never could, I can be what he never was...for a price."_   
  
 Kuro's words echoed in his mind, he should have listened to his gut instinct and left this alone- left all of this alone.. but he was stupid. His stupidity put him in the same place he should have tried to avoid, strapped down in dim lighting- glasses long discarded. Everything was hazy, his world felt like it was spinning despite laying perfectly still- then out of the darkness approached the man who'd promised him so much.  
  
Kuro ran clawed fingers over's Pidge's soft skin, scratching lightly so he could see them tense up in pain and fear. "Pidge.. are you ready to hold up your end of the deal?"   
  
Whatever sedative Pidge had been drugged with started to wear off, letting his surrounding come into focus.   
"Kuro.. w-where are we?"  
  
"Shh. Don't worry about that. Are you ready or not?"  
  
Pidge's eyes shifted over the environment, they were in a small room, almost hospital like. With sharp tools and instruments lined up on a tray along with.. a syringe filled with a glowy yellow liquid.  
  
"Kuro what are you- What are you going to do to me?" The younger's voice grew more panicked as everything set in. This was wrong. This   
was wrong and no one knew where his was. No one could save him if they wanted to.   
  
"See, I really wanted to do this before the sedative wore off.. but I also wanted to see what my drug did to a sober mind-" Kuro wrapped something around Pidge's upper arm and fastened the tight leather straps that bound the other.   
  
 "kURO. NO. PLEASE- DON'T." Pidge cried out- trashing against his bounds.   
"PLEASE." His voice broken up by choked sobs as Kuro readied the syringe pressing the needle into the soft skin of Pidge's inner elbow- directly into the vein.   
  
 It hurt. It hurt so bad- numb and burning- itching almost, Pidge bit down on his lip and tried to stifle the pain, tears rolling off his cheeks.   
After the older man injected all of the strange liquid they moved to clean pidge up, throwing away the syringe and cleaning the injection site.   
 "I don't want my new plaything getting sick, now do I? See this is really all your fault- if you weren't so infatuated with Takashi then you wouldn't have agreed to this."  
Kuro pressed his cold metal hand against Pidge's throat, squeezing as he spoke,"You were too fucking stupid to see a trap because you wanted it so badly. I guess since you held up your end I'll give you what you wanted-"  
  
 Kuro moved his human hand down Pidge's waist, slipping into his victim's pants. He was taken back for a moment- but quickly assessed the situation.   
"So my Fag brother won't have you huh? because you're like this?" He slipped his fingers in. "I bet you feel disgusting don't you?"   
  
"P-Please.. stop."  
  
"Oh so you can still talk? It's nice to know my drug didn't knock you out entirely-see I can never get the formulas right the first time around. I should cut it with with something, see how that makes you feel." Kuro ran his fingers up, over Pidge's clitoris, rubbing soft circles as he spoke causing the other to jerk and writhe. "K-Kuro-" heavy pants filled the room, echoing off the nearby walls, wracked with grief. "N- No. Stop."   
  
After getting tired of the other struggling so much Kuro stood and grabbed a small pill, Pidge couldn't really see what it was but knew it was 1) something he'd never seen before, so it must have been one of Kuro's designer drugs and 2) it was purple. a very specific shade of purple at that.  
"Open up." He shoved it into Pidge's face, when hr refused to take it Kuro forced open his jaw- "I said _open_." and pushed it inside.  
  
 Kuro watched to make sure the mixture didn't kill Pidge, when they stopped fighting and went limp he moved to check their vitals. The younger male seemed fine, half lidded and desperate but not dead.   
  
"...please" they moaned through parted lips.   
  
The words that came out of Pidge's mouth both surprised and disgusted him, god he was a freak wasn't he. He wanted this- he wanted someone that even LOOKED like shiro to take advantage of him-- fuck his head felt fuzzy.   
  
"Looks like the drugs kicked in." The taller male chimed. Kuro released the fastens and picked Pidge up heading off to another room with a large bed on the floor covered in various blankets. Kuro pressed his play mate into the bed, kissing and sucking at their neck as he let his hands wander. He pulled back and began stripping his barely conscious or consenting partner, looking at their petite body.  
  
Kuro pressed his hands against Pidge's chest, squeezing and massaging, running his fingers over their soft nipples. Pidge gasped, shivering under the other's touch- everything had become so hazy to him that his brain started enforcing the idea that this was Shiro, this was consensual, this was okay.   
He didn't even flinch when Kuro took off their own clothes and pressed his hips upwards, or when they pushed into him. Pidge couldn't help but moan, each thrust sending shivers down his spine. His body was heavy, limp and begging for more.  
  
 Soon after he fell unconscious- the drugs overpowering his body, causing him to blackout.   
   
 This was it. This was his life now, wasn't it?  
no one knew where he was, no one probably even cared. He'd always had that nagging thought that maybe everyone's lives would be easier if he just disappeared- maybe that's why this happened, because it was true. Because now Shiro didn't have to feel bad- or like he had to protect someone. Now Shiro could give Matt all the attention he needed. 


	14. Loss.

 How could he do this, how could he be so stupid? His Friend, his FAMILY was hurting and he let them just- walk away. It had been a few hours since Pidge had stormed out of the room and the other had yet to return. This made... Shiro nervous. He knew that Pidge didn't know the area very well. He knew that if they had left the hospital ground, _which they probably did_ , that they would get lost, _which they probably were_.   
  
 He moved his left hand over and ran it through Matt's hair, sighing softly.   
  
"I'll be back in a bit, Pidge should have been back by now."  
  
"You're really bad at reading people. You know that, Shiro?"  
  
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll be back soon." The older male leaned in and kissed his boyfriend's forehead, moving to the door.   
He'd first do a sweep of the floor, then the floors below and finally about five miles out around the building.   
  
 NIght was fading to early morning, the moon begging to lower itself once more- casting off less light. He wasn't bothered by this, he could hold his own in any situation. Shiro walked quietly through the hospital, checking each floor before walking through the dim light and over the crunchy mat at the front entrance- flimsy metal doors opening and closing behind him.  
  
 Each step in the fairly empty parking lot echoed, solidifying the fact that he was alone. Shiro's nose picked up on the smell of wet asphalt, it would rain soon. Which meant he'd have to hurry.   
His pace picked up, checking everywhere in the area- running up and down alleyways looking for Pidge, his heart was pounding in his chest- he couldn't find them anywhere.   
  
"Please, Please be okay." Shiro whispered to himself, clenching his prosthetic limb firmly. "Please."   
  
 It was in his despair that he notice a gas station in the distance, he ran to it quickly- about to head inside and ask the cashier if they saw the younger Holt- only to stop when something caught and reflected the light back.   
The tall, well built male bent down and picked it up- a rumble of thunder enclosing on him as it dawned on him what he was looking at.   
  
Pidge's Glasses.  
  
 Pidge's Glasses meant he wasn't okay, he was in serious trouble- why else would he leave something so important?   
Every irrational and rational thought swept into Takashi's head, causing him to break down sobbing, holding the glasses close. He's lost someone he saw as a father figure, he nearly lost his boyfriend and now he'd lost his best friend too. This was all his fault, he should have just gone after Pidge in the first place.   
  
 They were probably kidnapped, kidnapped and sold off to someone- or beaten to a pulp and left in an alleyway. What if they were hurt? What if they had been killed? Shiro's mind ran at a million miles per hour as he stood up and walked inside the gas station- asking to use the phone- a phone- ANY PHONE.   
 Once he got a hold of a phone he called 911 and reported what he'd found, normally you have to wait 24 hours to report a missing person but it was apparent that foul play was involved. He stayed at the convenience store until a police officer showed up- showing them the glasses and the stuff outside. The can had be knocked over when Pidge was taken and in the clear liquid was a half dissolved capsule- whoever did this had somehow gotten close enough to Pidge to drug him.  
  
 The Police officer dismissed Shiro after getting his contact information- the cell phone he had left in the hospital room. With a heavy heart and distracted mind he made his way back to the hospital room, nearly breaking down at Matt's side when he told them what had happened.   
 There was nothing they could do now, but Shiro couldn't sleep. He curled up on the bed next to Matt, the whole time bashing himself for not going sooner. He'd never forgive himself for this- how could he?   
  
 Morning came soon enough, sparse bits of sleep holding Shiro together. He slipped out of the bed and carefully woke Matt up.  
  
"Hey... I have to head back, long drive an all. The Police are supposed to keep me updated.. I'll uh. I'll keep in touch with the details."  
 Shiro leaned in, softly kissing his boyfriend,  
  
"Okay- Hey, don't worry about him. He's a lot stronger than he seems. I'm sure he's fine."  
  
"Yeah. I'm sure you're right." Shiro responded, it was hard to believe the words though, it was hard to believe anything. He gathered his things after smooching them one more time, then headed out to his car and started the long trip back home.   
  
  
Loathing.  
  
 Self loathing if anything.   
  
 He stopped by a liquor store on the way back, about at the halfway point, and got two bottles of hard liquor- he probably wouldn't drink either- or any of them, sans a glass, but it was nice to have. Nice to numb himself while the police did their best.  
  
 Once he pulled up to the apartment complex he took his things inside, poured a small glass of Whisky and curled up on his bed. He turned on some music- just so he didn't have to suffer in silence, and drink his beverage.   
  
 That's when he saw the shirt that Pidge had given back to him. he reached over and picked it up, getting a smell of that sweet honey and milk- causing him to break down once more.   
S hiro sobbed, he sobbed for what seemed like hours- loud- gross sobs, the whole time curled around that shirt- until he passed out.  
He'd foolishly let Pidge walk out full well knowing how dangerous it was. Shiro could only hope that Pidge came home safe and that one day they might be able to forgive him. 


	15. Second Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight so i was going 2 do a couple of chapters where pidge was suffering(tm) but- honestly it didn't really add 2 the story anymore and im also super busy so we're jumping forward a bit in the timeline of things.

 It had been several weeks since Pidge's disappearance, nearly a month had pass without any word from the police- as if the younger holt boy had just.. vanished.   
 A lot had happened in that month, however- if you asked Takashi Shirogane about it.. you wouldn't get too much of a response.

 The older male had lived so comfortably in his new life style, cooking dinner every night, helping his roommate with homework and other issues as they arose.. but nothing would have prepared him for what happened over winter break.  
His life fell apart like a piece of cloth, one thread was tugged then the whole thing came unraveled. Due to a poor choice on his behalf he lost his roommate and close friend- since that last day at the hospital, Takashi hadn't really left the house aside from trips to the store for food or alcohol and cigarettes.   
 He'd isolated himself so drastically that even his reclusive brother had come to check on him from time to time- he never answered though.  
 He didn't even know where to begin with this... whole event.   
His isolation had even gotten to the point of him not even talking to Matt, how was he supposed to say anything when the only thing the police had told him was 'it's safe to assume he's dead.' there was no way he could drop that on the holts- not after everything that had just happened. They still had hope, even if Shiro's was fading.

  
 As of right now Takashi Shirogane was laying on the cold hardwood floor. On every side of him were clothes crumpled up and tossed aside. His white hair was in a tussle and fluffed up, dark circles had formed under his eyes from lack of sleep- he felt so useless- so helpless.   
 There was nothing he could do but sit and wait for the police to find Pidge's body.

 Lost in thought and loathing, the disheveled male hardly recognized the noise that broke the silence. Someone was knocking- at first he thought it was Keith coming to check on him again, but the repetition wasn't the same as how his brother knocked- this was.. much softer- barely audible.  
 Shiro stood up from his spot on the floor and made his way over, opening the front door as he braced himself for whatever was to come.   
He wasn't expecting it to be his lost friend- passing out almost immediately. He stretched his arms out and scooped up the younger boy before they even had the chance to hit the floor, carrying them into his bedroom.

 They were so disheveled, messy hair, covered in grime- as he looked them over more he noticed little things too, like bruises on his upper arm, bite marks and injection spots.  
 It made his stomach drop, thinking about the fact that someone did indeed put him through hell. The other lacked shoes, this feet chapped and scrapped up- they would probably need a good meal and a warm bath after they woke up.

 Shiro tucked Pidge into bed, only to curl up next to him and just- hold them. He's fucked up, he'd fucked up so bad and yet somehow he was lucky enough to get a second chance and good god was he grateful for that.

 After several hours Pidge woke up, pushing out of the bed quickly at the sight of shiro.   
"S-Stay away from me."   
 Those words, those weak and raspy words tugged at Shiro's heart- he felt.. somehow disgusting and responsible. Like he deserved to be told that.

"Pidge.." Takashi's voice was soft, smooth even- nothing like Kuro's harsh jagged tones. "I- T-Takashi?"

 The name caught him off guard, it wasn't something that people normally did, considering his heritage and what not. He was- somehow okay with it though, as if it solidified his own theories on what happened to the other.  
"It's me. You don't have to worry, okay? You're safe."

 Pidge slowly made his way back over to the bed, crawling in next to Shiro. He reached his hands out, gently touching his roommate's face, as if making sure it really was him. Upon accepting it, tears began to prick the corners of his eyes. He shoved his face into Shiro's chest, his own wracked with sobs.

"Takashi, I was so scared. I didn't think I'd ever make it out of there I- I just-"   
 The smaller male broke down into choked sobs, clutching fistfuls of Shiro's shirt.  
  
"Shhh.. It's okay. You're safe now, you're safe. I'm so sorry I put you in that situation."  
  Pidge shook his head nuzzling in closer, even just feeling the loving embrace from Shiro made it more than obvious that he was safe.  
Pidge didn't want to leave, not anytime soon.

"We ought to take you to the hospital, Pidge. God only knows what happened to you."  
  
"N-NO. No hospital. Please. He doesn't know where I am right now, I want to keep it that way."  
  
"But you're-"  
  
"Takashi, please. Trust me on this."  
  
"Okay. It's the least I can do, so.., Okay."   
  
"I just.. want to go back to sleep, will you stay with me?"  
  
"Of course."   
  
 Pidge curled up next to Shiro, still holding onto them as he did his best to relax. Ever so often he'd twitch or jolt- seemingly restless. Shiro moved his hand to pet Pidge's hair, humming softly as he did so. Within a few minutes Pidge had drifted back into quiet sleep, tucked tight against Shiro's chest.   
"Goodnight Pidge."


	16. A well deserved break (pt.1)

 It had been about two weeks since the last time Keith had talked to Lance.   
 Honestly Lance couldn't blame him, with how Shiro was acting? If any of his siblings had pulled the same thing he'd be just as reclusive, not to mention Keith already had a hard time interacting with other people.   
  
 He sat in his living room, tapping his foot nervously- that's it. Lance was more than done sitting around, it was time to go talk to Keith.   
He stood up, put on his shoes, grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out the door-locking it behind himself. It was still pretty cold outside, harsh air nipped at Lance's nose. Christmas had come and gone and now that it was early January there wasn't much he could do but keep house and do homework.   
 Lance made his way up the stairs of Keith's building, glancing at Shiro's door as he walk by. He brought his hand up to the door and knocked softly.  
  
 After about a minute he knocked again, calling out this time, "Keeeeith, It's colder that your heart out here. Let me in."   
From beyond the door he heard some shifting before the door finally creaked open to reveal a very sleepy, tank top and boxer clad Keith.   
  
"What the fuck do you want, it's so early."  
  
"It's 9am, That's not that early."  
 Keith mocked him before stepping back into his apartment.   
  
"take off your shoes and close the door, it's cold outside."   
  
Lance was caught off guard but did as told, looking around the dimly lit apartment. The only light came from the morning light that seeped through cracked blinds. Lance notice a few boxes with notes taped to them, and a few other notes around the house. He lifted one off the counter, _'take out the trash, don't forget to clean.'_   
  
another next to it said _'I don't care how healthy natto is, if shiro ever makes me eat it again I'll end his suffering myself_.'   
  
"What's Natto?"  
  
"Why are you reading my notes?" Keith asked as he came up behind Lance, "I- sorry. It's really rude of me to come over without warning then go through your stuff."   
  
Keith wrapped his arms around Lance's waist and rested his head on the other's shoulder, "You said it. Not me." He chuckled a bit, the sound reverberating through both of their chests. "Natto. It's a- actually you should just try it."   
  
"What, no way. If you hated it then why would I eat it? You eat things from the see that shouldn't even exist."  
  
"Hey now, I haven't had uni in a long time."  
  
"You know what they call Sea urchins? Sea hedgehogs. would you eat a hedgehog's sack?"  
  
"says the guy that gladly ordered and ate bull fry last week."  
  
"Yeah but it was worth watching you tense up with every bite."   
  
"You make me sick."  
  
Lance turned around and leaned down pressing a kiss to keith's lips, "Good."  
  
Keith wiped the kiss from his lips and stepped back, "Why are you here?"  
  
"To take you out to breakfast."  
  
"Breakfast? I don't even think I ate dinner."  
  
"Yeah but."  
  
"but what?"  
  
"We'll I mean, it doesn't matter if you ate dinner. Breakfast is the meal you eat in the morning or right after you wake up."  
There was a short pause, "Okay but-"  
  
"No, come on Keith. Go get dressed."  
  
Keith grumbled a bit as he walked to his bedroom and started to undress. "Close your door, what the fuck man."   
  
"Oh my god Lance, you literally sucked my dick. Let me change with my door open."  
  
"I- Bu- Fuck you."  
  
"Later."  
  
"Keith."  
  
 Lance shook his head and walked into the spare room, looking at a corkboard that had pictures pinned to it. Not just any pictures, polaroids (aka old as fuck- or his boyfriends a hipster.)   
 As he looked closer he noticed how young Keith and Shiro looked.   
  
  Several of the pictures were of them in a woodlot, playing and having fun. One of the pictures caught his attention rather quickly, it was a picture of them looking back at the camera as they ran, a large blurry face poking into frame just enough to be recognizable, it looked like.. like Shiro.   
 Lance took a minute to look at the photo, no yeah that was definitely two Shiro's. He notice that the more 'normal' picture's were pinned off to the side. That picture with the two shiro's was closer to the center of the board, red string connecting it to several other pictures. Above them was a red painted   
'偽'   
 Lance didn't know what it meant but, knowing Keith, it was probably some Cryptid 'Aliens are real' junk.   
  
 He walked out of the guest room, thinking Keith must have been done by now. He was right, the medium haired boy walked out of his bedroom, dressed a red and white hoodie and black pants.  
   
"I don't have much money, take me somewhere cheap."  
  
"Babe, part of me taking you to breakfast is me paying for you."   
  
 Keith scrunched his brows at first, confused as to why Lance would pay- then it hit him. A soft blush rushing to his face, "Is this a date."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yep. Let's go get our shoes on, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
 Keith grabbed his Keys and tugged his boots on, letting Lance walk out first before back locking the door.   
  
"So- uh. Not to be rude but.. why?"  
  
"Why am I taking you on a date?"  
  
 Keith nodded his hair getting caught up in the gentle yet frigid wind.   
  
"I'm just-" He sighed and moved to wrap an arm around Keith, "I'm worried about you. about how you're handling what happened to Shiro.. what happened to Pidge."  
   
 With a soft hum he realized what this was REALLY about. Even if Lance had come with the intent being to make Keith feel better, it was also about Lance subconsciously needed support as well.   
  
"How you feel is bound to be more interesting." Keith said softly as he pulled away, standing next to Lance's passenger side door. Once on unlocked they both got in, "what? What do you mean?"  
  
"Well.. not to be too blunt but- I didn't know Pidge.. not well or really at all. He was your friend.. and in the end I still have Shiro. Despite him isolating himself."  
  
 Lance wanted to say something, to snap back.. but they were right. Keith still had his brother, while Lance didn't even know if Pidge was still alive.  
  
"So, Lance. How do you feel."  
  
"Like shit. Honestly? I kind of want to break your brother's face. All respect I had for him is fleeting-how does someone lose an entire person?"  
  
"...It's a lot easier than you'd think. We both already lost someone."   
  
"We? Who'd you lose."  
  
"..Ah. Well that's a story for another day. Something tells me that Pidge is alright though. You don't have to worry anymore."  
  
"Keith- are you doing that Spirit board shit at night again."  
  
"What? No. it's just a- a gut feeling. Trust me, okay?"  
  
"Okaaay." Lance had more than just a touch of concern in his voice as he pulled up to the diner.  
  
  
 Once inside and at their table Keith looked over the menu, it wasn't often- if at all- that he went out to eat. "I didn't know you could do so much to pancakes."  
 Lance chuckled looking over the menu as well, "what are you going to drink?"  
  
"...what are you getting?"  
  
"Coffee and a water."  
  
"Should have guessed."  
  
"Do you like sweets?"  
  
 Keith looked away, almost embarrassed by the question, his lips pressed into a thin line.   
  
"Is that a no?"  
  
"..No. I just don't like to eat them in public- our broth- my brother used to make fun of me for it."  
  
"Wow. really? I knew he was pretty harsh last time we got coffee but that didn't seem like something he'd do."  
  Lance really wasn't as dumb as he looked, he'd put it together since he saw those photos- he just wanted to see how Keith would react in conversation.   
"You should get the caramel macchiato it's really good."   
    
 Keith nodded and placed their drink orders,conversation lulled the first few minutes after the coffee came out.   
  
"So-"   
  
Lance began to talk, looking over at the other who was trying to drink his decadent coffee (only to get whipped cream on his face.)   
  
"Did you ever play in the woods when you were younger?"


	17. Don't expect two breaks in a row

What? What kind of question was that? What was Lance trying to go for?  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You know. Just when you were younger? I know my siblings and I always did. After homework- sometimes even before- and every weekend. We didn't have any cool electronics so we had to make do the old school way."  
Keith sighed a bit, relaxing despite not knowing he'd tensed up.  
  
"Yeah- Takashi and I used to. On the weekends that I wasnt at-.. that i was at my moms house."  
  
"What kinds of things did you two do?"  
Lance put a little more emphasis on 'two' that he probably should have- causing Keith to scrunch his brows.  
  
"Cryptid hunting, Ouija board, Wicca bullshit."

"WHAT. REALLY."  
  
"Lance keep your voice down."  
  
"Sorry, Sorry. I just can't see Shiro ever doing that."  
  
"Oh, no, yeah. He hated it. It wasn't his Idea it was- it was mine."  
  
"Okay, no offense but you don't seem like the type to recommend that. You might do it, but-"  
  
"No it was my Idea. Well the first time."

"The first time?  
The shorter male tensed up a bit- realizing there was no away to hide it anymore.  
  
 "I guess I should start from the beginning- my beginning. I was adopted into the Shirogane household shortly after being born, making me the youngest of three. Takashi and his twin brother, Daichi.  
   
 Daichi and Takashi were four years old when I was born, so as soon as I turned one they started taking care of me when our mom was busy. By the time I was six we were out playing in the woods, taking pictures on the polaroid we'd looted from our moms office. We lived in the Yamanashi Prefecture in the shadow of Mount Fuji.Being that close to an active- yet dormant volcano meant rich soil, lots of farmland and even more forest.  
 So, since we had no supervision We'd just end up running out into the woods for hours at a time.. there was once were we had gone all the way to Aokigahara."  
  
 "You're saying a lot of things that I don't understand. First you grew up in japan? I though you'd grown up here, you said you were teased by a shit bag when you were twelve, and isn't your mother from Texas?"   
Keith sighed, taking a few bites of his food as he sorted through everything.  
  
 "My mom was Military, she was stationed in Okinawa when she met MY dad who was on a business trip or something- I don't know Mrs Shirogane never really got too far into detail. I don't think she really knew.  
 They got married and my mom left the service, staying in japan for a few good years, my dad knew the Shirogane family and when my mom saw their twins she wanted to have me or some dumb movie shit like that."  
  
 Lance couldn't help but snicker a bit, leaning back in his booth seat as he listened- it was nice to see Keith finally open up about all of this. It made he feel like he was actually doing something to help Keith out.  
  
 "But, well that was short lived. Apparently we made eye contact before she passed but, only being born a few minutes prior to that, there was no way I'd remember. At least she got to see me. After that my dad stuck around long enough to get mom sent back to Texas where she was born and I was handed off to a mother of two four year olds. Around nine or ten we got our citizenship approved for the United States and moved to the place we- er- She is now."  
  
The other had been listening but somewhere a long the lines got a little confused.  
  
"Tell me more about Okay-gah-hara. Or whatever that forest you walked to was. You made it seem like a really long hike or something, but I don't know anything about Japan."  
  
"Like, anything anything?"  
  
"Not a single damn thing, Keith."  
  
"So you don't know Aokigahara reputation?"  
  
"Keith do I look-"  
  
"Okay, okay! Right. so, where was I? We made it there, up a back way so we didn't even know we were there. And yes, by the way it was a very long hike for a six year old."  
  
"Did Shiro carry you? That would be super cute."  
  
"If it makes you feel better I'll let you pretend he did."  
  
"Oh man, he totally did- you're just trying to brush it off like I'm being annoying. You only get defensive when I'm right."  
  
"ANYWAY.  
  
 As we made our way through what we thought was an ordinary forest we came across a campsite- one that looked long since abandoned.    
 Daichi had a few rules when it came to hiking- **one:**   _leave only foot prints_ and **two:** \- which was the acceptation to rule one, _Unless other people had left stuff then feel free to pillage._  
  
 So that's what we did.  
 There was a leather-backed notebook with some writing in it but Daichi slacked off in school and I couldn't read. Shiro didn't feel right about going in the tent so he couldn't read it for us either.  
 We ventured off behind the tent, about a mile in- now running off adrenaline from our find- we came across a pair of shoes in the foliage.  
  
 What we saw next.. well, I really wish I could forget it. I thought I saw a lady, so naturally being the naive kid I was called out to her, asking if those were her shoes. When she didn't respond Daichi and I walked over to see if she was okay.  
  
She wasn't.  
  
She was far from it actually.  
  
I remember it so clearly- the first time you see a dead body- especially in person? jesus christ.  
  
 A search team had been in the area looking for bodies when they heard us cry out in utter shock. Needless to say a nice lady took us back to the station and called our mom. That's when things really went down hill. The years that followed after our trip to Aokigahara were probably the worst of my entire life."  
  
  
"Holy shit." Lance paused for a minute, only to mutter it under his breath again "holy shit."  
 Needless to say they had both lost their appetite, Keith got a waiters attention so that they could get to go boxes. It's not like he had a lot of food at his house anyways.  
  
"So You said like they were out LOOKING for bodies- like this was a normal thing? What's up with those woods?"  
  
"We'll it's nicknamed the suicide forest for a reason.  
 We would have known not to be there if we had seen one of those signs. Shiro was way above his reading level and would have told us to go home but, well, we didn't see a sign."  
  
"And what do these signs say? National death forest? nightly rate 75.60?"  
  
Keith actually snickered a bit, despite it being a more serious subject, "No no, it urges people to seek help. Reminds them that their families love them and they will be missed."  
  
"Damn."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Is.. all of Japan that fucked up or?"  
  
"Uh, actually. In lore it really is. Man I'll have to catch you up on those good ol' fashion urban legends. That is- unless you're afraid."  
  
"Dude- Now that I know you straight up talked to a dead lady when you were six, you make a lot more sense."  
  
"Fuck you, that was just the precursor to all that I am now. Daichi was the real problem, well the most recent at least."  
  
"Was?"  
  
"He's.. well.." Keith sighed, trying to think things over, did he really want to get into it?  
  
"I'd give you a brief summary of events on his part, but I don't really know a lot. That's something to ask Shiro."  
  
They had packed up, paid and made their way out to the car, soon making it back to the apartments. for the first time in a while Keith looked up and saw shiro's light on. It somehow made he feel at ease as if things were going to get a lot better from here on out.


	18. Home

   
 He woke to the soft rumblings of a dishwasher, mixed with what he could only assume was the shower running and perhaps, his washing machine? The once sleeping hulk of a man sat up, his hair tussled and messy. He had two questions- one, where was Pidge? Two, who thought it would be a good idea to use this much water at once? Shiro crawled out of bed and groggily made his way to the kitchen, his feet dragging as he walked. He’d only be adding on to the water consumption- if only for a moment. The older male stretched his arms out above his head, his whole body seeming to elongate for a second before falling back into the horrible hunched posture. A groan escaped him as he started the over complicated process of making coffee, coffee that he probably won’t and shouldn’t drink.

 He was starting to think that Pidge coming home was all just a dream. That is, until he heard the shower stop. His half-asleep brain didn’t process that it must have been Pidge. In all honesty, it could have been an intruder and he would have let them do whatever. That was sort of where he was at mentally right now.

                As he finished making his coffee, Shiro moved to the couch to watch the news. It was then that he noticed there was no mess in his house. Whoever broke in and was in his shower was more than welcome to stay. All the clothes had been picked up, they even tossed his empty bottles and cartons of cigarette.  Shiro nestled down on the couch, pulling his knees to his chest and a blanket over himself, before clicking on the TV. There was a breaking news article. People had spotted Pidge walking down the side of the road, interviews with different people testifying to the appearance filled most of the broadcast. One or two people even came forward and said they offered them a ride only to have Pidge bolt off screaming. Shiro’s brows were knit with concern. “Poor Pidge.” He mumbled. The news caster cut back in, their voice nearly deafening.

  
**_“A body was recovered on southbound I-24, close to Mirror Lake where, not even a month prior, a tragic accident took another life, a father’s life.  Investigators are working with local police to determine if this is the body of young missing K-”_**  
 Shiro clicked off the TV, not wanting to hear any more. Suddenly he was back to step one. Shiro sat down his mug and stood up, making his way back to his room. He needed a smoke, and he was sure there was one somewhere in his room.  That’s when he ran into a half-naked Pidge putting on some of his clothes.   
  
“I- uh, sorry.”   
  
He turned his head quickly, trying not to stare, that’s when it hit him. He whipped his head around and marched up to smaller male, his hands gripping their arms.  
  
“The TV just said you were dead, how are you-”

Pidge looked up at him dumbfounded. “I know that after all that crap you put into your body, you probably have less brain cells than ever. But you should still be able to tell that I was in your shower and cleaned the apartment. God Shiro.”

He squinted his eyes and let go of them, turning to look back at the rest of the apartment. “Then whose body did they find?”

 “What news station were you watching?”

 “Uh, Fox I think?”

 “Jesus Shiro, it could have been anyone’s. You know how unreliable Fox is.”

 “You have a poin-” He was cut off by his cell phone ringing. Shiro walked over to his phone and grimaced when the caller ID pulled up Matt’s picture. He sighed and took it off the charger, moving out onto the porch to continue his conversation- the door not closed behind him all the way.

“Hey babe, I know I’m sorry.”

Pause.

“No. He’s fine, _Yeah_. Yeah he’s with me.”

Another short pause.

“You don’t have to do that- come on, after what happened last time? I don’t care that it’s been months I don’t want you driving- Your mom never drives she’s not going to drive now. I think it’s best to let him recover for now- hey and do me a favor. You can’t let anyone know he’s alive. I know- _I know_ - **Matt** , please this is important. He escaped- his captor thinking he’s dead is our best bet at recovery. Okay? _Thanks_. I’ll have him call you when he feels a bit better.”

Finally, after a soft pause long enough to feel tension, Shiro spoke. “Yeah. You too. Bye babe.” With that the older male hung up his phone and headed back inside, cursing himself mentally for not closing the door all the way.

“Everything alright?” Pidge asked, his voice soft, as if not wanting to let the other know he was eavesdropping.

“Yeah, you brother was calling about the news report. Apparently, it’s on every station stretching about three counties over.”

 “Wow I didn’t know I was so important.”

 “You’ve been gone for a month, not to mention you walked home.”

Pidge let out a nervous chuckle, “You know about that?”

 “Yes I know about that. Jesus fucking Christ Pidge, that walk would kill a healthy man and yet, after everything you went through, you still made it.” Shiro looked like he was about to yell or lose his temper. Instead, he headed over and grabbed ahold of the other, pulling them close to his chest.

“Do you have an idea how worried I was. I failed you Pidge. I caused this and I can never forgive myself for that. If I knew he was back, I wouldn’t have let you leave. I would have taken you more seriously.”

Pidge was more than taken aback by this. He didn’t know what to say so he just pressed himself into the other’s hold, burying his face in their chest.  The only thing the Holt boy could manage was a simple “I’m sorry.”

 “Hey shh, no, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

 “But it is! I didn’t have to storm out.”

 “You didn’t know that any of this would happen. Don’t you ever blame yourself for what happened. I can tell you first hand that nothing you did could have prevented it.” Shiro sighed pulling the other closer “I know what happened. I know who did it, he’s done it before.”

Pidge stiffened at those words, pushing back a bit. “How do you know?”

Shiro looked down, debating for a moment, “We’ll talk about it later. You need to eat.”

 “Shiro.” The other’s voice was cold and demanding. “Tell me how you know.”

Between a few nervous eye flickers and his tightening grip, Shiro finally let out “It’s been a long time since I thought about it. I really don’t want to get into it again, okay? Not now.”

With a heavy sigh, Pidge moved from the other’s grasp. “Okay, okay. Will you order pizza or something? I’m starving.”

            
  
  Shiro faked a smile, before heading off to place the order. He knew he shouldn’t feel the need to hide it anymore, seeing as he wasn’t alone in his experiences anymore. But he just couldn’t do it. Telling someone would mean admitting that it really happened. That his brother was capable of ruining lives.  
  
  
[[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POy09x79WRk)]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh sorry for not posting for awhile, sorta fucked myself over and couldn't figure out how to fix it. we should be good now.


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